Ardent

 
My dearest readers… If there are any of you… (Mom and Dad, if you guys have been visiting my blog hundreds of times more than once daily, you are giving me false hope. STOP.)
Think not that this blog has fallen to the wayside, nor become a wasteland of sweets lost in the vast Internet.
I promise I’m still here! And today, to make up for my long absence, I have four cakes for you. 
Four!! 
Baked, decorated, delivered, devoured and demolished in the span of 24 hours.
This hectic succession of cakes was brought on by the overwhelming number of September birthdays.
Now why did I feel compelled to bake for four birthdays which fall on a successive Monday and Tuesday? Because I’m stupid crazy kind of a little teeny bit nice sometimes.  Like once every seven months.  Mainly I’m just too preoccupied with whining to be kind.
 
And now that I’m on the subject of whining, I might as well get some of my daily bellyaching over with now.
My oven and I are fast friends and mortal enemies. We have a love/hate relationship, which is comprised mainly of hot, burning hatred for the other.
I swear, this fancy “Wolf” oven is more temperamental than me.  I mean, god, it’s no wonder we don’t get along.
Sometimes, like last week, for example, my oven will be set to 350 degrees F and still manage to burn hot enough to scorch the bottoms of half of a batch of otherwise perfect chocolate macadamia shortbreads.  Awesome. I love trying to scrape blackened ash off of flaming hot cookies. Said no one ever.
On the flip side, when I’m trying to bake a simple and tiny, mind you, boule, something I’ve done literally HUNDREDS of times before, this handy appliance will be blasting at 500 degrees F with a nice steamy inside for a crunchy crispy crust and will still take 50 minutes to bake the damn loaf of bread (Teeny! Loaf! Of! Bread!). How hard can it be, man?!  Get your act together.
Sometimes I wish we could work together more harmoniously, but when I have four cakes that turn out just beautifully, with none sticking to the pan, none over nor underdone, none with domes nor crevasses, I am grateful for my stupidly expensive oven.

Brown Butter Almond Bundt 
for the cake:
ingredients:
2 sticks of butter
2 cups sugar
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
5 eggs
1 cup milk
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2 teaspoons baking powder
3 cups flour
1 cup slivered almonds (optional)
directions:
Generously butter and flour a 10 cup bundt pan.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.  Brown butter in a large saucepan.  Meanwhile, combine sugar and salt in the bowl of a stand mixer.  Once the butter is browned, add it to the sugar and mix until combined.  Whisk the eggs and vanilla into the milk and slowly add to the sugar mixture.  Once homogeneous, add in the flour and baking powder, and mix until combined.  Stir in almonds.  Bake for 45-55 minutes, or until a skewer inserted all the way into the cake comes out with relatively few crumbs.
for the glaze:
ingredients:
3/4 cup bittersweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup heavy cream
pinch sea salt
handful slivered almonds, toasted in a pan (optional)
directions:
Heat cream until almost boiling, pour over chocolate chips and salt and allow to sit for three minutes.  Stir together until shiny and completely melted; pour over cooled cake and garnish with toasted slivered almonds.

English Tea Cake

for the cake:
adapted from Sky High
ingredients:
3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons cake flour
1 1/4 plus 1/8 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar
1 egg
1 egg yolk (save the white)
1 tablespoon plus 1 1/2 teaspoons buttermilk
directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.  Butter 3 6-inch pans, line with parchment paper, then butter the paper.  Sift the flour, salt, and baking powder together, then return to the sifter.  Whip the cream and vanilla to soft peaks, then add the sugar and beat just until combined (not to stiff peaks).  Then add the egg and egg yolk and whip the mixture to soft peaks.  Sift a third of the dry ingredients over the batter and fold in.  Repeat until the dry ingredients are all incorporated.  Fold in the buttermilk and pour into pans.  Bake for 18 to 20 minutes.
for the frosting:
ingredients:
2 egg whites
1/2 cup sugar
pinch sea salt
1/6 cup strong English tea (I used Lady Grey)
1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter at room temp
directions:
Place the egg whites into the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment.  Combine sugar, salt, and tea in a small but heavy saucepan fitted with a candy thermometer.  Heat to 238 degrees F, without stirring.  Once the sugar syrup has reached 230 degrees, begin to whip the egg whites on low.  After the syrup has cooked, increase the mixer speed to medium low and slowly pour in the sugar syrup (do not pour on the whisk, as it will splash onto you).  Whip until the meringue is cooled and the bowl feels neutral to the touch.  Add in the butter one tablespoon at a time, until all is incorporated.
to assemble:
1/2 cup orange marmalade, slightly warmed in a microwave until spreadable
directions:
Place one cake on plate, top with 1/4 cup of the marmalade.  Repeat, then put the last layer on.  Frost with a crumb coat before adding the final coat of frosting.  I decorated mine with some handmade marzipan roses.  I dyed the marzipan with a few drops of fuchsia, yellow, and green gel coloring.
 
Cherry Garcia Cake
for the cake:
adapted from Sky High
ingredients:
1 1/2 cups cake flour
1 cup sugar
2 1/4 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 stick butter
2/3 cup buttermilk
2 whole eggs
1 egg yolk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup dried sour cherries, chopped roughly
1/2 cup bittersweet chocolate chips, chopped roughly
directions:
Heat buttermilk slightly in microwave, then add cherries and allow to soak for at least 15 minutes.  Butter, line with parchment paper, and then butter (again) 3 6-inch pans.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.  Beat the sugar, salt, and butter together until creamy.  Add in the eggs, egg yolk, buttermilk, and vanilla (Whisk the wet ingredients together first.).  Next, add in the flour and baking powder and mix until homogeneous.  Fold in chocolate chips and pour into prepared pans.  Bake for 22-24 minutes, until golden and springy to the touch.
for the frosting:
ingredients:
1 stick butter, at room temp
8 ounces cream cheese, softened
pinch sea salt
1/3 cup mascarpone
4-4 3/4 cups powdered sugar
1/3 cup sour cherry jam (I used D’arbo)
directions:
Beat the butter, cream cheese, and salt together until fluffy.  Add in the powdered sugar slowly, then beat in the jam.  Taste as you go, and beyond 4 cups, only add more sugar if you want it sweeter.
to assemble:
2/3 cup bittersweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup heavy cream, heated until almost boiling
directions:
Pour the heavy cream over the chocolate chips and allow to sit for at least 3 minutes.  Meanwhile, frost the cake and place in fridge to set.  Once the chocolate chips have melted, stir the ganache together until it is shiny and smooth.  Pour over the top of the cake.  Do not refrigerate the cake with ganache on it.
 
Mocha Cake
for the cake:
adapted from Sweetapolita
ingredients:
6 ounces flour
10 ounces brown sugar
3 ounces cocoa powder
2 tablespoons espresso powder
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup vegetable oil
3/4 cup buttermilk
3/4 cup coffee
2 eggs
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.  Butter 3 6-inch pans and dust with cocoa powder and flour mixed together.  Weigh dry ingredients into the bowl of a stand mixer with a paddle attachment and mix until there are no clumps and all are thoroughly combined.  In a large measuring cup, add the oil, buttermilk, coffee, eggs, and vanilla, and whisk with a fork.  Pour into the dry ingredients and mix until homogeneous.  Pour into prepared pans and bake for 22-24 minutes.
for the frosting:
adapted from Sky High
ingredients:
4 ounces melted bittersweet chocolate
2 cups confectioners’ sugar
2 sticks butter
4 tablespoons cream
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon espresso powder, or to taste
directions: 
Add all ingredients to the bowl of a food processor and pulse until smooth and well combined.    
for the chocolate curls or shavings 
Melt chocolate, gently, then spread thinly over a cookie sheet and allow to harden.  Using a cheese knife or a putty knife, slowly but firmly push the chocolate off the sheet.  It will curl up.
 
 
 

Pants on Fire

Remember how I said I hate baking cookies? Ha, um well…


I have four different cookies to show you.  Er… Tell you about.

Don’t look at me.

I wasn’t lying, but sometimes it’s necessary to bake cookies.  What a drag, I know.


For instance, if your best friend is going back to school and leaving you, cold and alone, you might need to bake some spiced-up chocolate chip cookies, as a parting memento so she won’t forget about you too quickly, while having a private pity party. Just you and half of the cookie dough.

Or!  What if, on the off chance that you needed egg yolks for curd, you put aside the whites to age (For the record, this is pointless.  Regardless, it’s paying homage to the voodoo macaron gods.), then pulled them out of the fridge a few weeks later, weighed them and they were exactly 5 ounces (Okay. 4.9. Forgive me.)?!!  Macarons round two.  Duh.  I shall vanquish thee and thine splitting shells, thou conniving cookies.
 
Ou, qu’est-ce qu’il faut faire lorsqu’on attend l’entré de ton ami (ouais, c’est le français!), qui t’a demandée de faire des biscuits il y a longtemps?  Il faut qu’on fasse les biscuits; quel gentil cadeau, non?
(Or, what do you have to do when you’re waiting for your friend to arrive (yes, the Frenchman), who asked you to make cookies a long time ago?  You have to make cookies; a nice present, no?)
And?  When you have 3/4 of a cup of buttercream left over from those pesky macarons and you need something to send in a care package to your pesky brother, why, it’s obvious!  You simply must make cookies!  Leftover cookies. Waste not want not people!  (No pictures.  Oops.)
Now, I would like to point out that 3 out of 4 of these recipes took me under 30 minutes to prep and bake.  Macarons, not so much.  Even so, it’s safe to say that I’m cookied out.  Cake soon.  Very soon.  Glory hallelujah… I love cakes.
Spiced-Up Chocolate Chip Cookies
ingredients:
1 stick butter, softened
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 egg
splash vanilla
1 tablespoon nutella
1 tablespoon peanut butter
big pinch salt
1 cup + 2 tablespoons flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
big handful chocolate chunks/shavings/chips: as many as you want, you minx
directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.  Cream the butter and sugars together with the salt extremely well until fluffy and light.  Add in the egg and vanilla, beat until combined, then add the nutella and the peanut butter.  Beat until homogeneous.  Add in the flour and baking soda and mix until just combined.  Stir in chocolate chips.  Use an ice cream scoop to portion out cookies, and bake for 10-14 minutes, depending on how chewy/crispy you like your cookies.  
 
Melting Moments
ingredients:
1 stick butter, softened
2 tablespoons confectioner’s sugar
splash vanilla
big pinch sea salt
3/4 cup flour
1/4 cup cornstarch
directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.  Cream butter and sugar together, then beat in vanilla.  Add in the salt, flour, and cornstarch all at once and mix slowly until it all comes together.  Refrigerate briefly (if your dough is still cool, you don’t have to), and up to a day.  Roll out tablespoon sized balls and bake for 10-14 minutes, until cookies just start to turn golden.  Remove from oven and let cool for 15 minutes, then sprinkle generously with confectioner’s sugar.  
 
Green Tea Ganache
ingredients:
2/3 cup melted white chocolate
2 teaspoons matcha powder
healthy pinch salt
1 cup heavy cream
4 tablespoons butter
1/3 cup mascarpone
directions:
Mix chocolate, matcha, and 1/3 cup heavy cream and allow to sit and come together.  Beat with an immersion blender until smooth.  Set aside and allow to cool.  Once cool, beat with an immersion blender, then add in butter.  Next, beat 2/3 cup heavy cream (in another container) until soft peaks form.  Blend that with the matcha mixture, then beat in the mascarpone.  Put in fridge to firm up before using.
 
For the macarons, I followed BraveTart exactly (she is a master!) but added no coloring or flavoring except for a big honking vanilla bean.  I also used slivered almonds for my nuts.  I then filled them with the matcha ganache.  You will have 3/4- 1 cup of ganache left, but never fear…
 
Leftover Cookies
ingredients:
1 1/2 cups flour
big pinch salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 cup buttercream (any flavor, really)
1 egg
splash vanilla
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup bittersweet chocolate chips
directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.  Beat the egg and sugar and vanilla together.  Add in buttercream, stir just to combine.  Add in all of the flour, salt, and baking soda, and stir just until it comes together.  Stir in the chocolate chips.  Bake for 10-14 minutes, again depending on how chewy you like your cookies.  *These will not spread at all.*

Super Freak


Loosen your belts, unbutton your jeans, and ready your stomachs.  

Why?
Because I have two very delicious recipes today that are comprised of multiple dessert components.


I guess I was in a Dr. Frankenstein type of mood.
See, I’ve been seeing a thing called “Slutty Brownies” slutting flying around the blogosphere.  


What is this brownie they are speaking of?
A chocolate chip cookie bottom, with a layer of Oreos chocolate sandwich cookies, then a layer of brownies.  
Yes. Yes. YES.
But… I was sending these to my best frenemy friend, Mikala, in California.  I knew I had to ramp them up a notch.  (Surprise, Mikala! They’re on their way.)
And that is how the Super Freak Brownies were born.  So many other names were tempting me, but I’m trying to keep it P.G… Ugh.
Brown sugar blondie base… Oreos come next… Chocolate peanut butter ganache… Red velvet brownie with cream cheese swirl.
Holy $#!+

Ahem.
Now meet Frankenpie.
Or as I like to call this beaut… The Americana Dream Cream Pie.


Diners across the nation have been serving hundreds of different flavors of pie for ages.  (And thank goodness for it!)

Apple, banana cream, banoffee, blueberry, buttermilk, cherry, chess, chocolate, coconut cream, crack, derby, French silk, key lime, lemon meringue, mud, peach, peanut butter, pecan, pumpkin, raspberry, shoofly, strawberry, strawberry-rhubarb, sweet potato… the list goes on.  
I combined banana, chocolate, and coconut: caramelized bananas into a chocolate-painted crust, covered in chocolate ganache, and topped with a coconut pastry cream.


And with that, I’m hungry.  Over and out.

Super Freak Brownies
blondie layer from smittenkitchen, red velvet brownies adapted from varying online sources
for the blondie layer:
ingredients:
1/2 stick butter, melted
119 grams light brown sugar
1/2 a large egg (weigh it out, divide by two, and save the other half.  You’ll need it.)
splash vanilla
pinch sea salt
1/2 cup flour
big handful bittersweet chocolate chips
directions:
Mix the butter, sugar, egg, vanilla, and salt together.  Stir in flour, then chocolate chips.  Spread over the bottom of a well-buttered 8×8 pan. Top with Oreos. (You’ll need 16)
for the ganache:
ingredients:
big handful of chocolate chips- I used bittersweet (use your discretion on how chocolaty you want it)
1/3 cup peanut butter
directions:
Heat chocolate and peanut butter together until melted and combined, either in a microwave or on a stove top.  Spread over Oreos.
for the red velvet brownies:
ingredients:
1/2 stick melted butter
1/2 cup sugar
splash vanilla
bit of red gel food coloring
pinch sea salt
1/2 teaspoon white vinegar
2 tablespoons cocoa powder
1 egg
1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons flour
4 ounces cream cheese, softened
1/2 a large egg
2 tablespoons sugar
splash vanilla
directions:
Mix the butter and the first measurement of sugar together with the vanilla, food coloring, sea salt, vinegar, and cocoa powder.  Next, add in the egg, then stir in the flour.  Pour 3/4 of the batter over the ganache, reserving the rest to dot the top of the cream cheese mixture.  For the cream cheese swirl, beat the cream cheese, 1/2 egg, sugar, and vanilla together, then dollop it over the brownies.  Dot the cream cheese with the remaining red velvet batter, then swirl to your heart’s content with a toothpick.  
Bake at 350 degrees F for 30-35 minutes, or when a toothpick comes out clean.
Allow to cool, then cut into 9 squares.

Americana Dream Cream Pie:
ingredients:
all-butter pie dough for 1 single crust, (baked at 425 for 8 minutes lined with aluminum foil and loaded with pie weights, then at 350 without the aluminum/pie weights, but pricked with a fork, for 15-20 minutes longer, until golden) brushed with melted chocolate once cool
3 super ripe bananas
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons butter
1/4 cup flour
100 g bittersweet chocolate
1/3 cup half-and-half
1 can coconut milk
pinch salt
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup flour
4 egg yolks
splash vanilla and coconut extract
1 cup finely shredded unsweetened coconut
toasted chunk coconut, for garnish
directions:
Put bananas, sliced, into a pan with the butter, sugar, and flour.  Allow to cook until the mixture is thickened and very, very fragrant, about 10 minutes on medium heat.
Pour into bowl and allow to cool.  Once cool, pour into the cooled and chocolate-brushed pie crust.  Make the pastry cream:  heat up the coconut milk until simmering.  Whisk the yolks, flour, sugar, and salt together in a bowl.  Pour 2/3 cup of the hot milk over the yolks while whisking, then pour the yolk mixture back into the pan with the milk.  Allow to come to cook (it will boil and bubble) until thickened significantly.  Pour into another bowl, stir in the extracts and coconut, and allow to cool completely.  Next, heat up the half-and-half until almost boiling (I nuked it).  Pour it over the chocolate and allow to sit until the chocolate is melted, then stir until smooth.  Pour/spread over the bananas, then spread the cooled pastry cream over that.  Chill until well-set, then garnish with the toasted coconut.