On Earth, just a teaspoon of neutron star
would weigh six billion tons. Six billion tons
equals the collective weight of every animal
on earth. Including the insects. Times three.

Six billion tons sounds impossible
until I consider how it is to swallow grief—
just a teaspoon and one might as well have consumed
a neutron star. How dense it is,
how it carries inside it the memory of collapse.
How difficult it is to move then.
How impossible to believe that anything
could lift that weight.

There are many reasons to treat each other
with great tenderness. One is
the sheer miracle that we are here together
on a planet surrounded by dying stars.
One is that we cannot see what
anyone else has swallowed.

—Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer, Watching My Friend Pretend Her Heart Isn’t Breaking

It was with great tenderness for each other that my family and I all slipped half a world away for this season, so that we could all be together, but differently.
So that sometimes, when our imaginations lingered wistfully in a parallel universe, it felt like it could almost be real.
We are held up only by each other under the oppressive memory of collapse. To be honest, there is nothing that lightens the weight. But at least it is shared.

We’ve been exploring and eating our way through Venezia and then, Ortisei/Urtijëi in the Dolomites.
Highlights of Venezia: Pietra Rossa, the island of Torcello/Ristorante Villa ‘600, cicheti in the sun at Osteria Al Squero, Ai Mercanti, discovering the magic that are garganega wines and the humble triumph of Despar panettone.
Highlights of Ortisei: the hours and days of luxurious relaxation at the Adler Dolomiti, reading our books by the fire and eating the daily spreads of kuchen; the footpaths and hikes around Val Gardena/Gherdëina; the scenery that at every turn is straight out of a fairytale.
Our trip ends in Portugal—with tomorrow being the Restoration of Independence holiday, school is out and we are going to make the most of it with the youngest and best of us.

This exploding neutron star of bread is soft and pillowy thanks to the addition of tangzhong.
It is layered with black sesame paste. sweetened and flavored with the subtle Fiori di Sicilia, which is like vanilla extract with beautiful floral and citrus notes. 
Crunchy sparkling sugar and black sesame seeds act as simple decoration.
It is divine pulled apart into layers and eaten with tea or coffee; just as suitable for breakfast as it is for dessert.
It’s a showstopping piece—bake it for the holidays and impress everyone with your technique.

The filling is flexible—using nutella would be delicious, and I could see a simple cinnamon-sugar butter mixture being simple and gorgeous.

Sesame, previously:
Black Sesame and Matcha Cake
Apple Sesame Paris-Brest
Toasted Black Sesame Pie

Tangzhong Black Sesame Star Bread
ingredients:
for the tangzhong:
23 grams flour
25 grams water
88 grams milk

for the bread:
162 grams milk
2 1/4 teaspoon yeast
432 grams flour
66 grams sugar
100 grams eggs, whisked
1/2 teaspoon salt
57 grams butter, softened

to assemble:
3/4 cup toasted black sesame paste
1/8 teaspoon Fiori di Sicilia extract
1/3-1/2 cup sugar, to taste
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 egg
sparkling sugar
roasted black sesame seeds

directions:
Make the tangzhong: whisk ingredients together and cook over low heat, stirring constantly, until the mixture thickens and reaches 150 degrees F.
Allow to cool to room temperature.
Warm 162 gram measure of milk to 110 degrees F.
Add yeast and allow to bloom and bubble.
In the bowl of a stand mixer, place tangzhong and bloomed yeast along with 432 grams of flour and sugar.
Stir together a few times, then add the eggs.
Knead until a supple dough starts to form, then add in the soft butter.
Allow to knead until the dough is stretchy and fully incorporated.
Place in a buttered bowl, cover tightly with plastic wrap, and place in a warm draft-free place for 1 hour, or until doubled in size.
Meanwhile, stir together toasted black sesame paste, Fiori di Sicilia, salt, and sugar, either 1/3 or 1/2 cup to your preference (will depend on how bitter your sesame paste is); set aside.
Punch down dough.
Divide into 4 even pieces.
On a floured surface, roll out one piece to a 12″ diameter circle.
Transfer the circle to a parchment lined baking sheet.
Spread the surface with 1/3 of the sesame paste mixture.
Repeat with the remaining dough balls.
Place a ramekin or glass in the center of the circle.
Cut into quarters from the edge to the edge of the ramekin, then halve those pieces, then halve again, until you have 16 spokes.
Twirl two pieces away from each other, then squish the ends together into a point to create one point of the star; repeat with the other 14 spokes.
Cover lightly with greased plastic wrap and place in a warm, draft-free area for about 1 hour, or until doubled in size.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Whisk egg with 1 teaspoon water and brush liberally over surface of the bread.
Sprinkle sanding sugar and black sesame seeds all over the bread.

The view of the Grand Canal from Ponte dell’Accademia.

The drive back from Ortisei to Venezia.