Easy As…

Alright guys.  It’s time to cut the B.S.  If I see or hear one more person committing themselves to a life of pre-made, store-bought, nasty, preservative-filled pie crust AKA junk in a box (literally), I’m going to lose it.  Think this kind of retaliation for the next lemming who jumps off the precipitous cliff of store-bought crustdom.  Seriously people.  It’s past time to stop.  There is no God-given reason to be afraid of pie crust.  It’s pastry, for heaven’s sake.  There is a reason that the saying is “easy as pie.”  So, without further ado, suck it up, don’t be whiny, and let’s make some pastries.
Yes, you can make this.
These, too!

Rule 1:  The Freezer is Your Friend
I do not care whether you are living in the Sahara or Siberia.  You need to chill your stuff.  Every little piece of it, from the food processor to the flour and especially the butter.  Chilling everything will help the pie or tart dough be flaky, because it will insure that the butter stays cold and in pieces.  Flaky crusts are a result of cold pockets of butter melting in the oven, creating pockets of steam in between layers of flour, thus stratifying your crust.  Yum.

See those pieces? That’s what you want.


Rule 2:  Just Say No to Shortening
I am not of the school of thought that believes shortening contributes to a mind-blowing crust.  And you shouldn’t be, either.  Shortening is icky.  Butter is yummy.  I believe that if you can’t spread something on a piece of toast and shove it in your mouth with a squeal of delight, then it should not be in your pie.  Butter is flavorful fat; shortening is greasy flavorless fat.  All-butter, all good.

Cold butter in, good dough out.

Rule 3:  More is Not Always More

This applies to a few facets of pies and tarts; both the elements and the formation.  Firstly, more butter does not always equal a better crust: a balance must be kept between fat and flour; more fat will only overwhelm the dough and leave you with a greasy mess in the oven.  Also, and this especially goes for pie dough, you don’t need more ingredients than butter, buttermilk, flour, and a pinch of salt and sugar.  No eggs in pie dough.  Please.  Tart dough, however, is a different animal; it needs an egg.  Secondly, fillings should be simple; the essence of a good pie or tart is in its elegant or rustic simplicity: showcasing good ingredients is the goal, not showing them up with too many competing flavors.  Overly sugared fillings are unappetizing and overwhelming.  In terms of the actual making of the stuff, more rolling and more mixing are bad.  More kneading?  Same deal.  This is because of the whole butter-pocket thing again.  If you mush all the butter into invisible pieces, there will be no pockets and you will have a dense mess in the oven.  Let the dough speak for itself; don’t work it to death.  
Fresh ingredients that you would willingly eat on their own.  

Rule 4:  Less is Not Always More

Do not underfill your pie crust.  No one wants to see or experience the gaping canyon between a few layers of cooked-down fruit and your beautifully risen pie dough.  Fill ’em up nice and full, because the fruit will shrink when baking.  Do not automatically add the exact amount of liquid that your recipe calls for: you must play it by ear and eye, because a slightly sticky dough is far better than a dry, crumbly mess that you can never roll out.  Add more if it looks like it needs more.  Simple as that.  

Pressed and ready to be pricked.
Crumbly is good only for tart shells.  Not pie dough

Rule 5: Relax.


Don’t freak out. If you find yourself panicking, shut the front door and take some deep breaths. If your crimps and lattices aren’t perfect… Who cares?  Certainly not the people who are going to be indulging in your delicious, buttery, flaky, fruity pie.  Trust me on this one… They don’t care how it looks.
Everything is going to turn out just fine.
You are now fully prepared to go out and make some great looking and tasting pies.  Go forth and prosper.   And take nary a look towards the refrigerated section of your grocery store.  But really.  I’ll be watching, ready to snatch that Pepperidge Farm crap out of your hands.


Unbeatable Pie Dough
Ingredients:
For a double crust: (halve for a single crust pie)
3 cups all-purpose flour, cold
2 sticks of unsalted butter (16 tablespoons, 8 ounces), cold or frozen, cut into pieces
1/2-1 cup ice cold buttermilk
Healthy pinch salt
1 teaspoon-1 tablespoon sugar, depending on your preference
Directions:
1. Put the flour, salt, and sugar in the bowl of a food processor and chill.  
2.  Once chilled, pulse butter in until the mixture has some butter pieces the size of peas.  
3.  Add the buttermilk in, slowly, with long pulses, until the dough forms a semi-cohesive ball.  If it is too sticky, do not worry, just sprinkle a little more flour on your clean surface when you turn the ball out, and roll it around a bit.  
4.  Divide the dough into two balls, pat into disks, wrap in plastic wrap, and put in fridge for at least 30 minutes, but for up to 3 days.  (Can be frozen for 1 month, just take it out and let it thaw when you want to use it, or, chill it in the fridge and roll it out and shape it to the pan before freezing (then you can go straight from the freezer to oven to mouth).)
5.  Roll the dough out.  When rolling dough out, don’t overdo it.  You want it to be the proper size to fit your dish (about 1 1/2 inches larger radius than the dish), but not any larger (and therefore, thinner), than that.
6.  To par-bake, put in a 350 degrees F oven (pricked with a fork)  for 10-15 minutes, or until palest golden.

Indefatigable Tart Dough
adapted from Dorie Greenspan’s Baking, helpful tips from Smitten Kitchen
Ingredients: 
Makes enough for one 9-inch tart crust1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, cold1/2 cup confectioner’s sugar, cold1/4 teaspoon salt1 stick plus 1 tablespoon (9 tablespoons; 4 1/2 ounces) very cold or frozen unsalted butter, cut into pieces1 large egg

Directions:
1. Pulse the flour, sugar and salt together in the bowl of a food processor. 
2. Scatter the pieces of butter over the dry ingredients and pulse until the butter is coarsely cut in.
3. Beat the egg gently, and pulse it into the dough.   
4. When the egg is in, process in long pulses–about 10 seconds each–until the dough, which will look granular soon after the egg is added, forms clumps and curds. Just before you reach this stage, the sound of the machine working the dough will change–heads up. 
5. Turn the dough out onto a work surface and, very lightly and sparingly, knead the dough just to incorporate any dry ingredients that might have escaped mixing. Chill the dough, wrapped in plastic, for about 2 hours before using.  
6. Rolling this dough can be tricky, due to its crumbly nature, so instead of doing so, simply press it, gently, with your fingers or a cup measure, into a greased tart pan.  Prick all over with a fork (gently!).
7. Freeze the crust for at least 30 minutes, preferably longer, before baking.
8.  To fully or partially bake the crust: Center a rack in the oven and preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Butter the shiny side of a piece of aluminum foil (or use nonstick foil) and fit the foil, buttered side down, tightly against the crust. And here is the very best part: Since you froze the crust, you can bake it without weights. Put the tart pan on a baking sheet and bake the crust for 20 to 25 minutes.9.  Carefully remove the foil. If the crust has puffed, press it down gently with the back of a spoon. Bake the crust about 10 minutes longer to fully bake it, or until it is firm and golden brown, brown being the important word: a pale crust doesn’t have a lot of flavor. (To partially bake it, only an additional 5 minutes is needed.) 
10.  Transfer the pan to a rack and cool the crust to room temperature, and proceed with the rest of your recipe.  
(This dough can be wrapped and kept in the refrigerator for up to 5 days or frozen for up to 2 months. While the fully baked crust can be packed airtight and frozen for up to 2 months, the flavor will be fresher if you bake it directly from the freezer, already rolled out.)

Brown-Sugar Peach Pie
Here’s the beauty of working with peaches for pies:  One, they are the most absolutely delicious fruit in a pie, in my opinion, at least, and two, you don’t have to peel them! In fact, the skin only adds to the deliciousness of the peaches, so none of this nonsense about boiling and shocking them to peel ’em.  Lawd have mercy this fruit is a miracle! 
Ingredients:
1 recipe Unbeatable Pie Dough (double crust)
6-8 ripe but firm peaches, depending on the size of your peaches
1/4 cup flour
2 tablespoons quick-cooking tapioca
1/3 cup brown sugar (you don’t need to pack it real tight if your peaches are nice and sweet)
1/4-1/3 cup granulated sugar (same deal as with the brown sugar in terms of quantity)
Healthy pinch of ground cinnamon
Healthy grating of nutmeg
Big pinch of sea salt
1 egg, beaten with 1 teaspoon water
1-2 tablespoons turbinado sugar
Directions:
After rolling out your pie dough and chilling it, cut up your peaches into 8ths and mix them, gently, with all the other ingredients.  Pour into pie crust and top with the other half of your crust, whether in lattice form or just whole, with some slits cut for steam escape routes.  Brush with the egg wash, and sprinkle, generously, with the turbinado sugar.  Bake at 375 degrees F for 45 minutes, or until the crust is golden brown, and you can see peach juice bubbling and peeking through the openings in the crust.

Peach Tart
Ingredients:
1 recipe Indefatigable Tart Dough
3-4 ripe but firm large peaches
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup turbinado sugar
2 tablespoons plus up to one more tablespoon flour(depends how juicy your peaches are)
2 tablespoons butter
Pinch salt
Directions:
After preparing your tart shell (Par-bake it for about 10 minutes, until it’s starting to turn a very light golden color), cut up your peaches into relatively even, thin slices (about 16 pieces per peach).  Pulse the rest of the ingredients until there are small, oatmeal-flake sized pieces of butter.  Arrange the peach slices in a sunburst pattern, then top with the streusel.  It will seem like a lot, but just sprinkle it as evenly as possible over the peaches.  Bake for 35- 45 minutes at 375 degrees F, or until the peaches have released juices that have become thick and sauce-like.  


This pie lasted for a record 8 hours in my house. 

The Frenchman

So, here’s the thing:  I did  have a delicious recipe for burnt caramel ice cream, à la Toscanini’s, and a very sweet story about my father and his affinity for said ice cream.  Unfortunately, said father ate said ice cream faster than you can say Toscanini’s and therefore I had no opportunity to photograph it.  Glad at least someone enjoyed it…  Anyways, here’s something equally sweet.
Fresh from the garden

 J’ai un ami qui s’appelle Emile, et il adore la lavande; on blague que ça c’est car il est français.  Alors, il est le “Frenchman.”  C’était son anniversaire la lundi dernière, mais je n’étais pas à l’école ce jour là.  C’est dommage que je l’ait raté, mais j’ai fait ce gâteau pour lui hier.  C’est un gâteau de lavande et citron avec le glaçage de la gousse de vanille.

Du sucre avec la lavande et zeste d’un citron

    I have a friend named Emile, and he loves lavender; we joke that it’s because he’s French.  He is the Frenchman.  It was his birthday last Monday, but I wasn’t in school that day.  It’s too bad I missed it, but I made this cake for him yesterday.  It’s a lavender and lemon cake with vanilla bean frosting.

J’ai su immédiatement que j’ai voulu adapter un gâteau de yaourt français pour qu’il puisse avoir de la lavande; je fait ce gâteau souvent, et il est magnifiquement moelleux et de citron, grâce au yaourt.  Il n’y a pas de beurre dans le gâteau, mais on ne le sait jamais du saveur.

I knew straight away that I wanted to adapt a French yogurt cake to include lavender; I make this cake often, and it is wonderfully moist and lemony, thanks to the yogurt. There is no butter in the cake, though you wouldn’t know it from the taste.
Freckles like mine

 

 Anyways, I had a little issue with the decorating:  I dyed some sanding sugar lavender, and planned to use that on the cake.  Once on the frosted cake, it looked garish and simply awful.  So, I scraped it off and tried to save the frosting.  I then wanted to use lots of sprinkles to make it more festive, but somehow, Lord knows how, I was almost all out of sprinkles. This I only realized after putting some sprinkles on the cake.  So, I scraped that off and did a minimal sprinkling and tried to make those that stuck on the cake look purposeful.  Oh well.  You live, you learn.
Joyeuse anniversaire, mon ami.
 
Glossy, stiff peaks.  Parfait.
Lavender Lemon Yogurt Cake

adapted from Dorie Greenspan’s Baking
makes 2 8-inch rounds
ingredients:
1 cup flour
1/2 cup almond flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
healthy pinch sea salt
1 cup sugar
Zest of 1 lemon
3 tablespoons chopped fresh lavender
1/2 cup plain Greek yogurt
3 eggs
1/3 cup oil (I used equal parts olive and canola)
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.  Grease two 8-inch rounds.  Whisk the flours, baking powder, and salt together.  Rub the lemon zest, lavender, and sugar in a bowl with your fingers until it becomes fragrant; add to the flour mixture.  Add the yogurt, eggs, and oil, and mix together.
Bake for 45-50 minutes, or until the cake springs back to the touch and is golden.
Vanilla Bean Mascarpone Swiss Meringue Buttercream
makes 2.5 cups
ingredients:
5 ounces egg whites
5.5 ounces sugar
Scrapings of one or two vanilla beans
Pinch of salt
1 pound butter, slightly soft, in small pieces
5 ounces mascarpone
Directions:
Heat the egg whites, vanilla beans, salt, and sugar in a bain marie until they reach 145 degrees F.  Whip until a stiff, glossy meringue forms, and the bowl is cool to the touch.  Add in the butter slowly, one piece at a time, until all is incorporated (meringue will deflate).  Then add the mascarpone.
Didn’t bring my camera to school.  iPhone suffices.

 

Caramel Craze and Memorial Daze

It’s starting to feel a lot like summer

 

 

This past weekend, to the dismay of the entire cast and crew of my dysfunctional household, our backyard neighbors hosted their annual Memorial day children’s

bonanza.  Replete with a gigantic bounce house (I swear they started blowing that sucker up at nine AM), approximately thirty wee little tots under the age of seven, and innumerable honking bicycle horns, Sunday was looking to be a very dismal day.  That is, until I remembered my AP Chemistry project that was due after the long weekend: the assignment was to explore the chemistry of an edible compound, and most importantly, bring in samples.  My partner and I chose caramel.  (Just kidding.  I’m way too bossy to let someone else choose.  I chose caramel.  He agreed, especially when I promised him all the leftover samples.)  It wasn’t exactly the prospect of doing a chem project that excited me (yuck!), but rather the fact that I had a concrete purpose to bake.  


So I made these suckers.


 

Oh yeah.  Uh huh.  Those would be salted caramel cupcakes with salted caramel filling, a salted caramel cream cheese Swiss meringue buttercream, and a hard salted caramel topper.  Upon describing them to my classmates, I was met with whining protestations: “Why is there so much salt?!” “Is there any sugar?!”

 

Um, yeah.  There was plenty of sugar.  I made so much caramel, I swear I went through five pounds of sugar, thanks to the fact that I burned a few batches, letting them get to “monkey blood” stage AKA too dark for even that wonderful burnt caramel taste. 
I don’t care how or why this happens.  I only care about how it is getting to my mouth.
 

 I could tell you oh-so-much about caramelization and all of the wonderful chemicals produced in the poorly understood process, but to be honest, it’s a lot more boring than making or tasting caramel.  And that’s coming from a self-proclaimed chem geek.  

*Insert your favorite four-lettered word here*
By the way, try not to be as greedy as me.  Sugar burns hurt.  

Burned caramel and fingers aside, the project went off without a hitch, despite the ten decibel screaming that permeated my kitchen for twelve straight hours.  

I guess I’m glad I didn’t choose to study soufflés.
 

(Pourable) Salted Caramel
 makes 3 cups 
ingredients: 
2 cups sugar 
1 cup water 
generous 1 1/2 teaspoons fleur de sel
 2 cups heavy cream, warmed 
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract 
Directions: 
Combine the sugar, water and salt in a heavy-bottomed pot.  In a separate pan, gently warm the heavy cream with the vanilla.  Don’t stir the sugar mixture.  Shake the pot once in a while to help the sugar and salt dissolve.  Allow to cook, shaking occasionally, for 8-10 minutes until the sugar has turned a deep amber color.  Immediately (you want to stop the cooking), but slowly, pour the cream mixture into the sugar, in a steady stream.  Be careful, as it will bubble up furiously.  Stir the caramel with a long spoon until it is smooth and homogeneous.  Pour into a heat-proof dish and allow to cool. 


Caramel Cupcakes:  

makes 24 mini cupcakes + 6 regular sized cupcakes  
ingredients:
 2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour 
1 1/4 cup + 2 tablespoons granulated sugar 
2 1/4 teaspoons baking powder 
1/2 teaspoon fleur de sel 
1 1/2 cup buttermilk or milk 
1 egg 
generous 1 tablespoon vanilla 
1/2 cup vegetable oil 
1/3 cup caramel sauce (see above) 
Directions: 
Sift flour, sugar, and baking powder into a bowl.  In a stand mixer, mix the buttermilk, salt, egg, vanilla, and vegetable oil.  Slowly add the dry ingredients into the wet, alternating with the caramel sauce.  Mix only until everything is incorporated.  It will be a thin batter.Bake at 350°F for 12-18 minutes, depending on what size your cupcakes are.  Check them often; when they are done, they will be springy, deeply tanned, and ever-so-slightly sticky.


Caramel Cream Cheese Swiss Meringue Frosting 

adapted from Bravetart’s SMB
makes 5-ish cups
ingredients:
5 oz egg whites
5 oz sugar
pinch salt
1 pound butter, cubed and slightly softened
1/3 cup caramel sauce (see above)
5 oz cream cheese
6 oz marscapone
Directions:
Combine egg whites, sugar, and salt in a clean, clean, clean bowl.  Set over a pan of simmering water, or a bain marie, and cook until the temp registers 145°F.  Remove from the double boiler and whip until stiff, glossy peaks form and the outside of the bowl is neutral to the touch.  (If you are super impatient, ahem, stick the bowl in the fridge for a minute.  It will cool down, but won’t deflate.)  Now, with the paddle attachment of your stand mixer, add in the butter, one cube at a time.  Once the buttercream is smooth, mix in the caramel.  It may look curdled: don’t panic! add in the cream cheese and marscapone in small batches until all is incorporated and smooth.  

Hard Caramel Topper

from Sprinkle Bakes (for that matter, these cupcakes are entirely inspired by her beautiful “Triple Salted Caramel Cupcakes”!)

1 1/4 cups granulated sugar
 
1/4 teaspoon fleur de sel
3/4 cup water
2-4 tablespoons of large-crystal sugar, mixed with 1/4 tsp fleur de sel

Lay out a large piece of parchment on your work surface and spray with cooking oil (such as canola). Put sugar, salt and cold water in a heavy pan; do not stir, but shake until the sugar has begun to turn light amber.  Remove from heat and, after stirring briefly, dip a spoon in the caramel and let it drip onto the paper, forming abstract shapes (or beautiful rounds like Heather’s!).  After a few minutes of leaving the caramel to dry, sprinkle the sugar/salt mixture over the caramels.  Once they are dried, gently lift them from the paper and adorn the cupcakes.

Assembling the cupcakes: once they are cooled, cut a small round from the top, and fill with a small amount of caramel sauce.  Put the top back on, and frost.  Top with the hard caramel!


I also made these delicious Salted Butter Caramels from David Lebovitz, but I replaced half of the cream with fresh peach juice, to make peachy, buttery, caramels that were to die for.  

Mr. Bear needed a bath

 

I know the caramel sauce makes a lot more than you’ll need for the filling, frosting, and batter, but trust me: I have a wonderful re-purpose for them coming soon!  Here’s a hint: it’s cold, creamy, and caramel-y.