Not all knockoffs are like that fake Juicy Couture bag I bought at the Silk Market in Beijing.
The one which turned out, once inspected in a brighter lighting and clearer mindset, to be a brown-and-pink diaper bag with a malfunctioning zipper.
Take these cookies, for example. They’re a take on those lovely, pillowy “Lofthouse” style sugar cookies that you can buy in every single supermarket in America.
You know the ones… They come in packages of six or ten or so, generally with pink or blue Crisco-based “butter”cream icing adorned with heaps of sprinkles, which, during appropriate holiday rushes, change into seasonally themed icing and sprinkles.
They’re so bad…. But so very, very soft. And hard to resist.
Editor’s note:
[While perusing their website, which took an inordinately long time to load, discovered that they now come in red velvet [?!] and frosted with nerds [?!!]. Suspicious whether this is good idea or very, very bad one. Must say, nerds are great.
Therefore still on fence about nerd-frosted sugar cookies.
Also noted: holidays featured are Easter, Halloween, 4th of July, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, and Thanksgiving.
Wonderful!!! All imaginable holiday cookie needs covered!
Perusing further, discovered watermelon and sugar plum flavored sugar cookies (and, of course, ubiquitous and gratuitous pumpkin).
Must ask what a sugar cookie designed to mimic sugar plum even tastes like?
Best guess: saccharine.
Watermelon? Can only think of sticking Hubba Bubba into a cookie and dyeing the whole thing bright green. Mmmmm refreshing.
Nearly done with snottiness.
Blue-, pink-, yellow- and white-frosted cookies considered disparate flavors/groups?!
Found one difference: which number dye goes in at end of mixing time.
Last and most important point: how does “purple-boo” icing taste? And why not kosher?]
Oh, and actually… Props to Lofthouse for trying to be more eco-friendly. It’s hard for me to love the cookies anymore, but I sure as heck appreciate that.
Here. Now that you’ve endured an entire post of whining and carrying on, why don’t you enjoy a big, fat, soft cookie with a sweet, buttery swirl of icing on top?
These cookies are wonderful. So soft and fluffy, perfectly offset by a mound of buttercream. I also made free-form rose flavored sprinkles/shards to top the whole thing off.
Subtle, and not overly perfume-y. Just what I was going for.
I don’t want people thinking I poured a bottle of my nicest Chanel into my cookies. Feel me?
I don’t want people thinking I poured a bottle of my nicest Chanel into my cookies. Feel me?
I loved this recipe… Easy and produced great results. I highly recommend it!
Faux Lofthouse Sugar Cookies
ingredients:
6 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
8 ounces( 16 tablespoons) butter, softened
2 cups granulated sugar
3 eggs
1 teaspoon (I added much more… I like vanilla) vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups sour cream
directions:
Stir together the flour, baking powder, soda, and salt.
In the bowl of a mixer, cream the butter and sugar together. Scrape the sides.
Beat in the eggs, one at a time. Scrape the sides.
Beat in the vanilla and sour cream just until combined.
Mix in the dry ingredients just until the dough comes together and is fully mixed.
Divide into 2 disks and refrigerate for at least two hours.
Preheat oven to 425 degrees F. Line sheet pans with parchment or silpats.
Lightly dust a clean surface with flour, and turn one of the refrigerated disks out.
Roll out to a thickness of 1/4 inch, then cut out desired shapes.
Bake for 7 minutes, then let cool on wire racks.
Gather scraps, refrigerate for a little (10 minutes) if they are becoming warm and elastic, then re-roll.
Repeat with other dough.
American Buttercream Frosting
ingredients:
1 stick butter
1 cup plus 1 tablespoon confectioner’s sugar, sifted
big pinch of salt
splash of vanilla extract
1 tablespoon of cream, as needed
directions:
Beat the butter until smooth and fluffy.
Sift in the sugar, add the salt and vanilla extract, and beat on low speed until incorporated.
Beat on high speed for about 20 seconds, until everything is homogeneous. If the frosting is thick, add some cream or milk in small increments until it is spreadable.
Spread a thick layer onto each cookie, leaving a slight mound in the center of the cookie. Spin the cookie while lightly pressing down in the center to create a small well for your sprinkles!
Rose Shards:
Use this recipe (brilliant!), but add in a drop of rosewater and spread it very thinly and evenly over a sheet of parchment instead of piping lines out. Let dry completely, then break apart into little shattered pieces. Use it to garnish the frosted cookies.