Category: Stupid

by Rachel Sally

Peachy Keen

 
Okay, I left you again, my beloveds.  But I am back, and I am not leaving in the foreseeable future (until college.  Eep!!)
(And I brought pie!)
 
 
I was in NYC and also Connecticut at the ESPN campus (so cool!), tagging along with my dad for the last half-week.
Then, I was enjoying a beautiful, sunny day and evening with friends at Taughannock.
Now, I am here.
Home.  And back on le blog.
 
^The always beautiful S and the charming français, Emile.
(That last link is scary… two birthdays ago!  Laughing/cringing at the photography.  Don’t laugh at me.  
On second thought, don’t click through that link.)
Um, with lack of anything more interesting to say about my trip, here are some things I observed, because I love lists:
 
Things I Saw in Park Slope and Beyond:
a discarded and seemingly brand new cherry wood spoon
a dozen oyster shells, mixed with
broken ceramics of many colors
an unattended child, sitting quietly in a stroller
thirty thousand vespas
a stroller with 12 wheels (12!)
a sizeable bamboo grove on West 14th, with canes that were 20 or so feet tall
killer fro-yo at Culture (two words: mochi topping)
and a million and one other things but I’m tired of this list so let’s move on.
 
Highlight of my day: I discovered that two of my photos got published on Tastespotting!
I am very pleased.
However, these exact same photos were rejected on foodgawker.
I am not pleased.
“Composition too tight.  Please make more room around the ____ and resubmit.”
If I had more room, don’t you think I would have already tried to cram it into that tiny little square?
Wah.
Okay I’m tired of whining so let’s move on.
(Wait… that’s a first.  Tired of whining?  Me?  NEVER.  Can’t stop won’t stop.)
 
These photos being published on Tastespotting have only aided in my ever-expanding online sharing of photos.
I now have a flickr, facebook, twitter, instagram, blog, and Tastespotting account, through all of which I share photos of food. (I rarely put food photos on twitter or facebook, though.)
And I guess I have a foodgawker, but EVERY PHOTO I have ever submitted gets instantly rejected.
Like this.
My instagram is all food and cats and up-close selfies of my face.
Stop judging me.
 
Let’s talk about pie.  
Pie, pie, pie pie.
Pie pie pie.
Peach pie.  Om nom nommedy nom.
We’ve talked about peach pie once before.
As well as peach pie cake
and two peach tarts.
But when I discovered 7 very ripe-borderline too ripe-peaches in the back of my fridge today, I knew the universe was telling me something important.
And it involved pie, so.
See, the most recent Cook’s Illustrated (I have a love/hate/love relationship with this mag, but let’s not get into that) featured their most recent recipe for peach pie.

Obviously, I had to make it/test it for myself.
Fussy magazine instructions be damned.
So let’s talk about this pie.
 
It ain’t easy, that’s for damn sure.  But then again, of course it’s not.  
It’s Cook’s Illustrated, for God’s sake, and they can never let anything be easy.
There’s always ten million steps and I usually find there are ways to improve upon what they have given, despite all of their in-depth testing in their test kitchen.
(This may a poorly timed question… but that job sounds awesome.  Where do I apply?)

Thus, another list: Things I Wish I Didn’t Have to Do to Make This Pie:
peel the peaches (Said it before, and I’ll say it again: I never peel peaches for pie.  I love that fuzzy skin, and I totally approve of this message what it does texture-wise when cooked)
use 3 pounds of peaches (this just seems excessive because you have to peel each one like WHAT)
quarter and then thirds all the peaches (there has to be a more efficient way to do this.  Peeled peaches are so very slippery and go shooting off the cutting board like soap)
macerate the peaches (I thought we wanted the juice to stay in)
cook down the resulting juice with pectin (thank God we canned the other weekend… or I would have been out of luck)
mash some of my macerated peaches that I worked SO HARD cutting up (not that hard, but whatever I’m trying to make this list long and dramatic)
use cornstarch (jk I love cornstarch)
ok I’m done

Plus, they gave me some lame-ass pie crust with shortening, giving an excuse about lattice pie crusts needing to hold up or something along those lines. I’m not sure ’cause I stopped reading when I saw Crisco.  
I don’t know about you but I am really not down with shortening in pie crusts, but you probably know that because one of my earliest posts was dedicated just to all-butter all-good pastry doughs.
The low down: you can make flaky, flavorful, workable, pliable, tender pie crusts with just butter.  You just gotta have the right technique.  
And I’m going to share my super-secret method for getting flaky, flaky, flaky pastry.
(Scroll down through the recipe and you’ll see it, as well as a poorly-lit shot meant to demonstrate how flaky the crust is.)

So to wrap this up:  their pie filling was good.  The texture was perfect, the flavor was too lemony and too sweet for my palette. 
I generally use next to no sugar in my pies, but since I was trying to review the recipe, I made no changes to the filling and how it was prepared.
I used my own crust recipe, which has taken a lifetime to develop (practically), because I will always stay loyal to butter and buttermilk.

This was a fussy recipe.  But altogether, I would recommend it.
I think I have to say that, because I had two fat wedges of this pie today.
Om nom nommedy nom.

 

^I ate that piece.  Without a fork.
 
Cook’s Illustrated Peach Pie (with my flaky buttermilk pie crust)
for the buttermilk crust:
makes enough for a double or lattice crust
ingredients:
2 1/2 cups flour (315 grams)
1 tablespoon (15 grams) sugar 
1 heaping teaspoon kosher salt
16 tablespoons (225 grams) unsalted butter, cold and cut into chunks
1/2 cup to 3/4 cup buttermilk, cold (leave it in the fridge until just before you need to use it)
directions:
Place the flour, sugar, and salt in a food processor and pulse to combine. (Or whisk them together in a large bowl)
Scatter the butter pieces over the flour mixture and pulse until the mixture has small chunks of butter the size of peas, about 5 2-second pulses or so. (Or cut the butter into the flour with a pastry blender.)
Slowly drizzle 1/2 cup of buttermilk into the mixer while giving 1 second pulses. (Or drizzle it over the butter/flour mixture and fold with a spatula)
Feel the dough- when you’ve added adequate liquid, it should be slightly tacky and hold together.
Add up to 1/4 cup more buttermilk if necessary.
Turn the dough out onto a floured surface and roll it into a rectangle about 1/2 inch thick.
Fold the rectangle into thirds and reroll into another rectangle.
Fold the new rectangle into thirds and reroll into another rectangle.
Fold the rectangle once more into thirds and then roll it into a rough rectangle.
Cut the block into two pieces, one slightly smaller than the other.
Chill for at least 30 minutes, wrapped well in plastic.
When you are ready to use the dough, roll the larger piece out until its diameter is about 4 inches larger than your pie pan, then gently place it in the pan, allowing the excess to drape off the edges.
Roll out the other chunk of dough into a rectangle and cut it into long strips.
Chill the strips and the dough in the pan before filling (roll them out before you start the filling).
Once filled, weave the strips into a lattice over the filling. (here is a picture tutorial)
 
for Cook’s Illustrated Peach Pie Filling:
ingredients:
3 pounds peaches, peeled, quartered, and pitted, each quarter cut into thirds
1/2 cup (3.5 ounces) plus 2 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon lemon zest plus 1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/8 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons low- or no-sugar-needed fruit pectin
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
pinch nutmeg
1 tablespoon cornstarch
directions:
Toss peaches, 1/2 cup sugar, lemon zest and juice and salt in a bowl; allow to sit for at least 30 minutes and up to an hour.
Combine pectin, 2 tablespoons sugar, and spices in a small bowl.
Transfer 1 cup of peach mixture to a bowl and mash into a coarse paste.
Drain the remaining peaches and measure out 1/2 cup of the liquid; discard the rest.
Place the juice into a pan with the pectin mixture and cook over medium heat until thickened and pectin has dissolved (3-5 minutes).
Toss the remaining peaches with the cornstarch, then add in the peach paste and the peach juice.
 
to assemble and bake the pie:
ingredients:
cream
turbinado or coarse sugar, or regular sugar
directions:
Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.
Remove the chilled bottom crust from the fridge and pour the filling into it.
Weave the chilled lattice strips over top of the filling.
Brush cream gently over the pie top and sprinkle liberally with coarse sugar.
Bake for 20 minutes at 425, then lower the temperature to 350 and bake 35-40 minute more, until the top is deeply golden brown and the filling is bubbling in the center.
 
by Rachel Sally

Dirrrty

Ahh… Sorry to burst your bubble, but this post is not about Xtina.
I know.  I’m sad about it too.
 
 Let’s talk about my OCD.
Because everybody loves a crazy person, right?
Today, I cleaned my entire KitchenAid with a toothpick.
Cleaned as in burrowed into every nook and cranny and crevice to pry out any old cookie dough, flour, and other nasty residue.
 
It was the single most horrifying and awesome thing ever.

 
Do you clean your appliances often?
Let me tell you right now, it’s probably not often enough.
I’m scarred after today.
 I mean, sheesh, I go at my stand mixer every so often, when the spirit so moves me, with a toothpick and a warm, wet paper towel, but not to the extent that I dug today.
How does all that even get all up in there?
All up in there in the weirdest places.  
Have you ever unscrewed the little button thing where the meat grinder attaches to your stand mixer?
DON’T DO IT.  JUST LEAVE IT.
TRUST ME.
Okay, new subject, same topic.
You know what my favorite commercials are?
Cleaning product commercials.
Ranging from face wash to shower cleaners.
I just love the feeling I get from watching dirty things become magically clean.
I get all of the satisfaction, and don’t have to get my hands dirty.
It’s like a wonderful dream.
 
Glad we talked about this.  I’m done rambling now.
This turned out to be a lot more about dirt than I meant it to be.
See, I was more thinking mud.
Because that’s what I’m sharing today.
Mud pie.
Mississippi Mud Pie, to be exact.
Only, this isn’t any ol’ Mississippi mud pie.  It’s MY Mississippi mud pie, redesigned and shined up a little bit by my imagination.
 
Traditional mud pie is comprised of a chocolate cookie crust and a chocolate pudding filling, topped with marshmallows and/or whipped cream.
(No, no, I know.  Quit your whining.  We all made gross-ass mud pies in puddles after the rain- those are not what I’m preaching about up in here.  You want that, you can walk yoself out of this fine establishment.)
 
I took it to another gut-busting, button-bursting, chocolatized level.
Because yes.
 
(Chocolatize me Cap’n!  Yes, Chocolate Cap’n Crunch is a thing.  I know.)
I was inspired in part by the Baked guys, because I saw a snapshot of their Mississippi Mud Pie and decided to make it my way.
Then, Russell of Chasing Delicious made this amazing Mississippi Mud Cake, and I decided it was high time to get back on the chocolate wagon.
It had been so long.  Summer just doesn’t always seem to be compatible with chocolate, which melts and makes a mess.  I usually stick to fruit.
But here we are, with a giant chocolate pie to talk about.
I’ll talk you through the layers- it’s not as hard as it seems, I promise.
Come your next chocolate craving, make this.  It will satisfy every bone and tooth in your body.

First up: chocolate cookie crust.
I used Oreos, because for some reason all the regular chocolate cookies were out of stock in all of the grocery stores near me.  Whatever.  
Smash up some cookies, add a little seasoning (sugar+salt) and bind the whole thing with a stick o’ butta.  Yum.  
Next: my favorite brownies.
These are a one-pot, one-spoon, super simple affair.
They come together in 5 minutes and bake in 15.
They’re fudgy and perfect to line the base of the crust.  
Simply cut off the top of the brownie base and lay it right in your crust.
Third: milk chocolate mousse.
This stuff has two major steps, but neither is difficult.  
You come away with the smoothest, fluffiest mousse, one that is very light on the tongue but is completely sliceable.
This would usually be a pudding, but I wanted something a little more sophisticated than chocolate puddin’.
A mousse is perfect for this type of molded dessert!  
Spread it over the cut side of the brownies and chill until it’s completely set.
Next: salted chocolate ganache.
Rich, dark, and so, so deeply chocolaty.  Need I say more?
Finally: Italian meringue.
These marshmallow-y clouds on the top of the cake are the perfect foil for all the chocolate they’re sitting on.  Traditionally, these would be marshmallows or whipped cream, but I prefer the lightness and softness of meringue.

One slice of this will do in your chocolate cravings in just the right way.
Mississippi Mud Pie just done grew up.

Mississippi Mud Pie
 
Assemble everything in the order shown here: crust, brownies, mousse, ganache, meringue.
Chocolate Cookie Crust:
ingredients:
2 1/2 cups chocolate cookie crumbs (I used about 40 Oreos, after I had scraped the cream filling out)
2 tablespoons sugar
3/4 teaspoon kosher salt
8 tablespoons butter, melted
directions:
Mix the cookie crumbs with the sugar and salt, then gently stir in the butter.
Press into a 9-inch springform pan and chill until solid, then begin layering.
Classic Brownies
same recipe as here
ingredients:
8 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons shortening
5 ounces bittersweet chocolate
9 tablespoons cocoa powder
1 1/4 cups sugar
3 eggs
3/4 teaspoon kosher salt
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup flour
directions:
In a heavy pot, melt butter, shortening, chocolate, and cocoa powder together.
Once they are all melted, add the sugar and remove from the heat.
Whisk in the eggs vigorously one by one.
Add in the salt and vanilla and whisk.
Finally, stir in the flour.
Spread the batter in a greased and floured 9-inch cake pan and bake for 20 or so minutes, until a tester comes out clean.
To use in the cake, allow to cool completely, then cut off the shiny, crackly top along with about 4 mm of brownie.
Gently place in the bottom of the chilled crust, cut side up.
 
Milk Chocolate Mousse
adapted from Cannelle et Vanille
ingredients:

 

For the pâte à bombé:

 

56 grams sugar

 

14 grams corn syrup

 

28 grams water

 

1 medium egg yolk plus 1 large egg yolk or 1.5 large or extra large egg yolks

 

For the mousse:

 

56 grams (2 ounces) pâte à bombé

 

4 grams gelatin

 

84 grams (3 ounces) milk chocolate

 

8 ounces (1 cup, 235 mL) heavy cream

 

directions:

 

Make the pâte à bombé: place the egg yolks in the bowl of a stand mixer.

 

Begin to whip them on high while you combine the sugar, corn syrup, and water in a small pot and heat to 240 degrees F.

 

Once the syrup comes to temp, slowly drizzle it over the whipped egg yolks while the mixer is running.

 

Allow the yolks to whip until they cool to body temp.

 

Weigh out 56 grams (2 ounces) and set aside.

 

Melt the chocolate gently, then set aside to cool slightly.

 

Sprinkle the gelatin over 2 tablespoons of cold water and set aside for 5 minutes to soften.

 

Set aside 1/4 cup of the heavy cream and whip the other cream to stiff peaks.

 

Once the gelatin is softened, microwave it with the 1/4 cup cream until melted. Gently stir into the cream; the mixture will become loose.

 

Stir in the pâte à bombé and the cooled melted chocolate, and gently mix until homogeneous.

 

Mixture will be loose.

 

Pour over the brownie in the crust and refrigerate until set.

 

Salted Chocolate Ganache
ingredients:
230 grams bittersweet chocolate
130 grams heavy cream
40 grams corn syrup
Small pinch kosher salt
directions:
Heat the chocolate until half melted in a microwave or over a double boiler.
Add the cream, syrup, and salt and heat until the chocolate is 2/3 melted, about 20 more seconds on medium power in a microwave.
Stir gently, increasing speed, until the mixture is shiny and homogeneous.
Use right away- spread over the chilled and firm mousse.
 
Small-Batch Italian Meringue
ingredients:
38 grams egg whites

 

Pinch cream of tartar

75 grams sugar
25 grams water
Directions:
Place egg whites in the bowl of a stand mixer with the cream of tartar.
Combine the water and sugar in a small pot and bring to a boil.
Meanwhile, whip the egg whites.
When the syrup reaches 245 degrees F, the egg whites should be at soft to stiff peaks.
Slowly pour the hot syrup over the meringue with the mixer running. 
Allow to whip until completely cool, then pipe onto the cake.
by Rachel Sally

Worth It

It’s rainy sunny zebra weather, as I called it when I was little.
Boy, I thought I was a clever little imp.
Either way, it is h-o-t.
And very humid.
(And damp.  Note the photos.)
The last thing I want to be doing in this kind of weather is cooking running to urgent care to get my finger mended.
Alas… While making this pie, that is exactly what I ended up having to do.
Was it worth it?
Definitely not.  But the pie is all kinds of awesome, so that’s at least a plus.
I love key lime pie.
It’s one of my favorite kinds of pie.  It’s up there with peach and apple and nutmeg-maple cream.  
(And crack.)
So, while meandering through the grocery store, when a bag of key limes caught my eye, I had to snatch them up.
 
Side note: it still amazes me how cheap produce gets in the summer.  
Ataulfo mangoes are 2/$5 in the winter.  
Now, they are piling up in giant mounds and being sold 5/$5.
Key limes are cheap, too.
I guess it’s just funny because I always think of winter as the citrus/tropical fruit season, but that’s only because nothing else is in season- it’s just a default!
Anyways, back to pie.
This pie is healthified- just a little.  
Instead of butter, there’s coconut oil (which gives a boost of flavor as well as health).
Instead of egg yolks, there’s neufchatel.
The graham crackers are homemade with 100% whole wheat flour.
But you know what?  You wouldn’t know it.
In fact, my family didn’t know it.  The pie was gone by the next day.  There are only 4 of us in the house.  It went quick.

This pie tastes better than many key lime pies and is so much easier without the baking of the interior.  It’s quick and has some health boosts to boot.  I’ll take it!
(And it’ll take my finger.)
 
P.S. A note about the coconut graham crackers- you could make them vegan by swapping golden syrup or agave for the honey.
Icebox Key Lime Pie
ingredients:
about 2/3 batch of graham crackers, recipe below
4 tablespoons coconut oil, liquid
1 14-ounce can sweetened condensed milk (I used fat-free)
6 ounces neufchatel cheese
1/2 cup key lime juice
zest of 3 key limes, optional
directions:
Pulse the graham crackers in a food processor until they are crumbs.
Add in the coconut oil and pulse until the crumbs are all moistened.
Press into a 9-inch pie pan and chill while you prepare the filling.
Whip the sweetened condensed milk, the neufchatel, and the key lime juice together until they are homogeneous.
Stir in the zest.
Pour into your prepared crust and allow to chill in the fridge until set, about 3 hours.
 
Coconut Graham Crackers
adapted from Smitten Kitchen
ingredients:
2 1/2 cups plus 2 tablespoons (375 grams) white whole wheat flour (you could sub 2 cups AP and make the rest regular whole wheat)
1 cup (176 grams) brown sugar
1 teaspoon (6 grams) baking soda
3/4 teaspoon kosher salt (4 grams)
7 tablespoons (100 grams) coconut oil, solid but not hard
1/2 cup (171 grams) honey
2 tablespoons (27 grams) vanilla extract
directions:
Combine the flour, sugar, baking soda, and salt in the bowl of a stand mixer.
Cut the coconut oil into small chunks and add it into the mixture.
Once the mixture resembles coarse sand, add in the honey and vanilla extract and mix just until combined.
Wrap in plastic wrap and chill for 30 minutes.
Roll out the dough to 1/8 inch thick and cut it with a knife into rough squares (they don’t need to look even mildly good/accurate, since we’ll be grinding them up).
Poke each square with a fork and put onto baking sheets.
Bake for 15-18 minutes, until golden and fragrant.
Let cool before using in any recipes.
by Rachel Sally

Bien Cuit

We like our blondes, here in America.
I mean baked goods, of course.
We tend to pull our cookies and cakes and (especially) breads and pastries out of the oven when the edges just start to turn golden, or when the tops begin to color.

Mais ça se fait pas en France.
American bakers, myself included, tend to get nervous when our cookies start to turn gold.
We get anxious when our breads change from pale to deeply tanned.
We panic when our caramel goes from honey to amber.
Until the hipster revolution, we even became alarmed when butter browned in the pan.  
(The horror!  How could one live without brown butter?!)
But I’ll let y’all in on a little secret: more often than not, in that change, that lovely chemical reaction, resides the most intense flavors.
 
Let’s get real: the French had beurre noisette long before we did; 
our pale, day-old bakery breads have nothing on the still-warm, minutes-from-the-oven, baguettes bien cuites that many grab on their way home for dinner; 
the modern word caramel originated as the word for burnt sugar in French; 
our sugar cookies are the paler, less crisp version of sablés.
Even the chemical reaction responsible for all this nutty, wonderful browning was discovered by a French scientist- Louis-Camille Maillard.
 
Safe to say, they’ve got us beat.
But just try this lovely reaction on for size.  I dare you.
Next time you bake bread, leave it in a bit longer than you think you want it in for.  
Let it become browned and golden.  
Pull it out, let it cool slightly, and eat it warm, with butter or olive oil and Parmesan.
It’s a revelation to eat well-done, fresh and warm bread.
(Maybe I should post about how to bake French bread?  Hmm?)
Next time a recipe calls for melted butter, brown it (I always, always do).
Take your caramel just a little deeper before pouring in cold, sweet cream.  
You will be substantially rewarded with very, very happy taste buds.
These cookies are a lovely little reminder that it’s okay to leave things in a little longer.
They’re golden and crunchy, crispy with butter and extra salty.  
They go quickly- don’t plan on having them around for too long.
Whether with a cup of strong tea or coffee, or even a glass of cold milk, these cookies just plain make sense.
I ordered this cookie stamp from France… I simply couldn’t resist.
It took weeks to get here, and when I tore open the package, I fell doubly in love. 
(It even came with un petit livre de recettes!)
If you want to use a cookie stamp, be sure to apply even, firm pressure all over the stamp.  
I suggest finding a cookie cutter of similar size to the stamp, then stamping the rolled out dough before cutting the rounds out; this way, you avoid any cracked or unsightly edges.
Use this recipe, being 100 million % sure not to overwork the dough; add a tiny bit more kosher salt.  
Mix until just combined- the dough should be soft and supple, not tough and beaten into submission!  Seriously!  Can’t stress the gentleness enough!
Refrigerate well, and brush with 1 egg mixed with 2 tablespoons water twice before baking.  
Bake until bien cuit– well done- nice and toasty golden brown.  
It should take about 12-14 minutes at 350 degrees F.
They will be buttery and very crisp.
 
by Rachel Sally

Call Me Sally

So, I’m Irish.
Actually, I’m Korirish.
Korean on my mother’s side, and Irish on my father’s.
Bit of a strange mix, to be sure.
The one thing my family has figured that the two have in common is a love of cabbage.

This love has distilled into my passion for cruciferous vegetables.
Cauliflower, cabbage, brussels sprouts (I’m eating some right now, actually, with apples and goat cheese), broccoli, bok choy, kale; pretty much a comprehensive list of my favorite vegetables.
Love me some Brassica.
Um, not that I’m here to tell you about vegetables.
That’s not really my shtick, at least not on this here blog.
 
Oh! What the Koreans and the Irish also both love is beer.
(Cabbage+beer sounds like the most terrible and smelly hangover in the world waiting to happen.)
So due to the fact that St. Patrick’s Day is on Sunday and my Korean grandmother is visiting, I made cake.  With beer.  
Beer cake.
With homemade Bailey’s cream sandwiched between each layer.
 
Yeah, it is as much of a good thing as it sounds like.
Trust me on this one. 

Now, it’s not the most traditional of Irish confections… But I’m certain it would be met with a hearty seal of approval in Ireland.
There’s browned Kerrygold butter, extra rich and nutty thanks to the higher fat content.
There’s Guinness, deep and dark, which adds a noticeable complexity to the cake.
There’s milk chocolate and coffee whipped cream, with a hefty dose of Bushmills whiskey.
There’s meringue, which actually is a well-loved Irish dessert.
Whether my ancestors are rolling in their graves, I know not.
Some fun facts about my Irish side:
“Sally,” actually, saileach, means willow in Gaelic.
There’s a barren field in Ireland called the Sally Gap- real talk, I’ve even been there.
It’s full of tumbleweeds and not much else.
Super. Exciting.
In 1908, John Sally, my great-great-grandfather, and his family immigrated to America.
Yadda yadda yadda.
Sally Gap Cake:
for the cake:
adapted from Nigella
ingredients:
1/2 cup Guinness
5 tablespoons Kerrygold butter (or other European butter)
3 tablespoons extra dark cocoa powder
1 cup sugar
3 tablespoons sour cream
1 egg
big honking splash vanilla extract (about 2 teaspoons)
1 cup AP flour
1 1/4 teaspoons baking soda
directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Grease and flour two 6-inch pans (I suspect 1 shallow 9- or 10- inch would work as well, but I’m not promising anything).
Brown the butter in a large saucepot.  
Once it is fragrant and nutty, stir in the Guinness.  
Allow to cook for 30 seconds, then remove from heat.  
Stir in the sugar and cocoa powder.  
Add the sour cream and vanilla and whisk well; add in the egg while whisking.  
Dump the flour and baking soda on top of the wet ingredients (flour first), then whisk them in until a smooth batter forms.  
Pour into prepared pans; bake for 35-38 minutes, until risen and firm to the touch; a toothpick should come out CLEAN (this is an extremely moist cake and if underbaked will be gooey).
for the mock Bailey’s cream filling:
ingredients:
1 1/4 cups heavy cream
1/4 teaspoon gelatin
1 small bar (I used regular ole Hershey’s) milk chocolate, melted
1 teaspoon espresso powder
pinch salt
2 splashes Irish whiskey
directions:
Sprinkle the gelatin over the cream and allow to sit for 1 minute.
Mix the cream with the espresso powder and salt, and whip to stiff peaks.
Add in the whiskey and milk chocolate and mix until fluffy and homogeneous. 
for the chocolate frosting:
ingredients:
4 ounces bittersweet chocolate, melted and cooled slightly
2 sticks of butter
2 cups confectioners’ sugar
pinch salt
2 teaspoons vanilla
1/4 cup cream
directions:
Put everything in a food processor and pulse until homogeneous.
for the Swiss meringue:
ingredients:
1 egg white
1/4 cup sugar
directions:
Put the white and sugar in a metal mixing bowl and place over a pan of simmering water.
Heat, whisking all the while, until mixture reaches 160 degrees F.
Remove from heat and whip on high until a stiff meringue forms, about 5 minutes.
Use immediately, as meringue will harden sooner than later.
Torch after decorating, if desired. 
to assemble:
Torte the two layers; fill each with 1/3 of the bailey’s cream.
Frost the outside of the cake with the chocolate frosting; to smooth, use a warmed knife.
Mound the meringue in the center and torch it.
For the cleanest cuts, chill the cake slightly before cutting.
 
by Rachel Sally

Saranghae

 

You saw me standing alone;
I belonged nowhere.
I wanted only to escape the brutal limits
of that incongruously beautiful town,
its mustard-bitter flowers tangled in roadside ditches,
wavering in heat lines,
motes of dust swimming in the air
lazily suspended in streams of sun.
I saw you standing alone,
and I found within you a common course.
I fell for that which I had uncovered.
I was in love young—
emotion, sharp as cayenne pepper,
danced out toward its object, eager and nimble—
free! at last.
From that hour, freedom!
I reveled in your glory, fleeting as it was to be.
I clung to you while you forced me down
until I fell to my knees
and crouched at your feet.
And go you did then.
I was powerless against your withdrawal;
I found myself naked and shivering
without the warmth of your skin.
Now it’s dark and the house is still and I’m awake,
and I am alone,
enveloped by a shadow.
Only shadows and echoes.
-Rachel Sally, Fall 2012
 
I wish you the happiest of Valentine’s days, my dears.
May it be filled with love, chocolate, and pie.
(And not necessarily in that order.)
May it be pink, red, and all that you may have hoped for.
 
Je vous aime, mes chéries; je vraiment vous aime.
 
Sour Cherry Hand Pies
dough lovingly adapted from smittenkitchen
ingredients:
120 g sour cream (~1/4 cup)
20 g lemon juice (~4 teaspoons)
112 g ice water (~1/4 cup) (weigh out 112 g, then add a couple of ice cubes and let ’em mingle)
225 g butter (16 tablespoons, 8 ounces), cut into small pieces and frozen
300 g flour (~1 1/4 cups), plus some for dusting
2.5 g kosher salt (~1/2 teaspoon)
good quality sour cherry preserves, or use your favorite jam; I’ve also made these hand pies with real pie fillings (chop a couple of apples, stew them with some maple syrup or sugar, salt, and thyme, etc.)
directions:
In a food processor, pulse flour, salt, and sugar together.  In a small bowl, mix the sour cream and lemon juice.  Put in freezer to chill out for a little while.  Scatter the butter in the bowl of the food processor, and pulse 3 times, or until the butter pieces look pea-sized.  Add in the sour cream mixture and pulse once or twice, then slowly drizzle in the ice water, pulsing every 2 seconds or so.  Be sparing with the pulsing; don’t drop the ice cubes in the machine.  Once the dough has come together into a relatively cohesive ball, turn out onto a lightly floured surface and knead once or twice.  Wrap in plastic wrap and chill for at least 2 hours.
When the dough is chilled, take it out of the fridge and place it on a lightly floured surface.  Roll it out into an even thickness around 1/8-1/4 inch thick.  Cut out desired shapes; I used a circle and a heart cutter.  Re-roll scraps and repeat.  Chill dough again, for at least 1 hour.
Beat one egg with 1 tablespoon milk for about 1 minute, until frothy and no clumps of egg white remain.  Take dough circles and hearts, etc. out of cooling area, and brush the edges of half of the shapes with egg wash.  Your egg wash should extend about 1 cm into the center of the dough.  Place about 1 1/2 teaspoons of jam into the center of each egg-washed shape, then press another cut out on top.  Seal the edges by pressing firmly but gently with a fork.  Save your excess egg wash.  Chill the pies again, for at least 30 minutes.
Preheat your oven to 375 degrees F.
Egg wash the outside of your pies, cut a small slit in the top for steam, and sprinkle with coarse sugar, if desired.
Bake for 15-18 minutes, or until puffed up and deeply golden brown.  
Enjoy!
Above was a “found” or “collage” poem that I wrote. 
Word phrasings and works cited:
Line 1.  “You saw me standing alone…”  Blue Moon, Lorenz Hart
Line 2. “I belonged nowhere…” Blue Moon, Jayne Anne Phillips
Line 3.  “I wanted only to escape the brutal limits of that [incongruously beautiful] town…” Coleman, Mary Karr
[“incongruously beautiful…” Blue Moon, Jayne Anne Phillips]
Line 4. “mustard-bitter flowers tangled in roadside ditches…” Blue Moon, Jayne Anne Phillips
Line 5. “wavering in heat lines…” Blue Moon, Jayne Anne Phillips
Line 6. “motes of dust [swimming] in the air…” Blue Moon, Jayne Anne Phillips
Line 8. “I saw you standing alone…” Blue Moon, Jayne Anne Phillips
Line 11.  “I was in love young…” Blue Moon, Jayne Anne Phillips
Line 12. “…emotion, sharp as cayenne pepper…” Close,Lucia Nevai
Line 14.  “…[danced] out toward its object, eager and nimble, [free!] at last…” Close, Lucia Nevai
Line 15. “from [that] hour, freedom!” Song of the Open Road, Walt Whitman
Line 19. “crouched at [your] feet” Blue Moon, Jayne Anne Phillips
Line 20.  “…go [you] did…” The Boat, Alistair MacLeod
Line 24.  “It’s dark and the house is still and I’m awake…” Blue Moon, Jayne Anne Phillips
Line 26. “enveloped by a shadow…” Blue Moon, Jayne Anne Phillips
Line 27. “only shadows and echoes…” The Boat, Alistair MacLeod
by Rachel Sally

Je Te Kiffe


Ah, mes amours: je suis si content que vous êtes ici avec moi.

Vous savez que je vous adore bien.

Our nation’s most lovey-dovey holiday is right around the bend.  Now, I’m sure that many Valentine’s Day-bashing memes and rants will soon be populating the internet, but this post is not for that.
 
“Be mine”


I adore Valentine’s day; not because I celebrate it with anyone in particular or do anything special- I just love the idea.

A day to celebrate love.


We could all use a little lot more of that in our lives.

Valentine’s day is a day to rejoice and be grateful for all of the loving people you have in your life- it is a day to count your blessings and remind yourself of your gratitude for them.
(I love you, my dear readers, and I am ever grateful for you!)

Conversation hearts are iconic of elementary school valentine exchanges.  Personally, I hate them.  They don’t taste good; they’re not chocolate; they say weird things like “SEXY,” which are not appropriate for grade schoolers, etc.   Anyways, they’re just meh.
Oh! But look!
Here are some sweet little conversation heart cookies, written in French.  They have sugar AND butter, and are accordingly delicious, they say exactly what you want, and they’re cute to boot.


I made these with a simple sugar cookie dough, like here, here, or here (Ohmagah.  Those cookies.  I can’t even.  SO stinking perfect.  I hate love envy them so.), and frosted them with even simpler royal icing.  
I didn’t yet have my #1 tip, and my #4 was way too large (see the last photo in the series), so I had to write with a toothpick to get the right size.  It was a real headache, let me tell you.

I’m still trying to perfect my decorated cookies.  It’s becoming an obsession!
I love how beautiful they can be.  Mine are not there yet.  One day, though; one day.

Je vous kiffe, mes chéris!
by Rachel Sally

Morning Lullabies

 
“If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”
-Roald Dahl
Short and sweet for today.  
 
These bars are absolutely killer.  The nutella, raspberry jam, and brown butter shortbread and crumb combine into a not-too-sweet and nibbly treat.  
 
What’s more, they can be made super quickly (and with one bowl and one spoon.  No mixer nonsense here.).  
 
I whipped these up last night because I had had a long, hard day and was inspired by the Bonne Maman raspberry jam in my fridge.
 
Waking up to them in the morning?  Best. Breakfast. Ever. Laaaaa! 
 
 
Those cookies you see were a bit of an experiment.  I ground my own pistachio flour (Pistache. Pistache. Pistache.), then combined it with honey into crunchy (and shippable) butter cookies drizzled with chocolate.  I also made some salted honey-pistachio butter with the extra chunky bits of pistachio flour.  Love!
 
I’ll be back soon with some ideas for lovey-dovey baked goods.
And some slightly more involved posts.  Perhaps.
 
 
Nutella, Raspberry, and Brown Butter Bars
ingredients:
480 g flour
2 sticks butter, melted and browned
50 g sugar
40 g cream 
6 g kosher salt
good quality raspberry preserves (or any other fruit); I used about 2/3 of a jar of Bonne Maman
150 g nutella, heated gently until it is liquidy and easily spread
directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.  
Stir the flour, sugar, and salt together in a bowl.  
Pour in the browned butter and cream and stir until crumbs come together.  
Press half of the batch into a greased 9X7 pan (These would also work in an 8×8, I’m willing to bet).  
Spread the liquid nutella evenly over the crust, then dollop jam over.  I used just shy of a cup of preserves, which was pretty conservative.  If you want more fruity flavor, just add more jam.  Either way, don’t spread the nutella or the jam all the way to the edges of the bars.  Rather, leave about a 1/4 inch empty space around the edges.  Once the jam dollops are smoothed over the nutella, sprinkle the rest of the crumbs on top.  
Bake for 35-40 minutes (a note: the bars will look pale golden when done, but they are difficult to judge.  Grab a relatively large crumb from the top and pinch to see if it is crumbly and thoroughly baked.  If so, pull the bars out.  I used a convection oven, so my bars were done around 33 minutes.  If your oven runs colder, do the crumb test to be sure.)  
Allow to cool completely, then slice into squares.
 
by Rachel Sally

De Rigueur

A good brownie recipe is like a good pair of heels or a slick black dress.  
 
 
Completely necessary and indispensable to have in your closet recipe box while seducing that hot boy…
 
…Well that analogy fell through.  Brownies are an essential in my closet.  This is a no-judgment zone, okay?  So wipe that smirk off your face.
 
What I mean to say is that they’re classic.  And classic for a reason they are.  
 
And so easy!  They are one-pot wonders, I tell ya.
 
 
And so easily customized!  
 
You like cakey?  Bake them for 5 more minutes.  
 
You like fudgy?  Underbake them by 3 minutes.  
 
You want mix-ins?  Add whatever your little heart desires. 
 
This recipe is from Cook’s Illustrated.  It is foolproof.  I should know, because I’m a fool I’ve baked 4 batches of brownies (that’s 256 of these lil guys) in the last week for a school statistics project.
 
To answer your question, yes, I am always the annoying person who does projects only concerning things I already like.  So… baking projects.  Yeah.
Keep these in your arsenal; I guarantee they’ll come in handy some day.  
 
Nobody doesn’t love chocolate.
 
Classic Brownies
Adapted from Cook’s Illustrated
Makes an 8×8 pan
ingredients:
5 ounces bittersweet chocolate
2 tablespoons shortening 
8 tablespoons butter
9 tablespoons cocoa powder
8.75 ounces sugar (1 1/4 cups)
3 eggs
5 ounces flour (1 cup)
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
dash chocolate extract, should you be into that sort of thing
up to 3/4 cup mix-ins (chocolate chips?  toasted nuts?  dried fruit?  crushed candy?)
directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.  Line an 8×8 pan with two sheets of aluminum foil, creating a sling.  Spray with cooking oil.  In a heavy bottomed saucepan, combine butter, shortening, chocolate, and cocoa powder.  Stir with a wooden spoon until melted and smooth.  Stir in sugar, then increasing your speed, beat in the eggs.  (If you’re a wimp, you can do this part in a stand mixer, but you honestly don’t need to stir for very long, and that dirties another bowl.) Stir in the extracts, then the flour.  Mix only until homogeneous.  Stir in desired mix-ins.  Pour batter into prepared pan and bake for 14-20 minutes, depending on how cakey/fudgy you like them.  Check often; a toothpick will come out of fudgy brownies with faint streaks of chocolate and a few crumbs; in-the-middle brownies will produce only moistened crumbs, no streaks; and cakey brownies will come out with very few crumbs.  For cakey brownies, watch carefully because there is a difference between cakey and light and overbaked and burnt.