Category: crazy

by Rachel Sally

Sweet Heaven

Thou art the vegetable most unsung.
Scorned for the raw sourness you impart,
though your sapor glides, winged, o’er the tongue.
O! sweet rhubarb! Thine flesh, stringed and tart, 
melts into the ambrosia of the gods.
Thy ruby hue knows no earthly confines;
deepens when simmer’d with a vanilla pod.
Thine taste is heightened by nutmeg and wine.

Be not forlorn, for here ready I stand,
thy sweet delicacy must be made known
I stand proud, lemon and rhubarb in hand,
layers set thee on thy velvet throne.

Tis past time for us to make way, posthaste!
‘Tis time to revel in thy piquant taste.

 

Ahem.  Yes, I wrote a sonnet.
… About rhubarb.
It happens, okay?!
I just love this weird ass vegetable.  
I like most weird vegetables.
I identify with them.  They’re like my tribe.
 
I, too, do not move and spend much of my life under a thick layer of dirt.
I, too, do not fit in with the rest of the produce aisle.
I, too, frighten many as they open up their CSA box to see me sitting inside.
Rhubarb is so yucky when uncooked- fibrous, extremely sour, and, hello! poisonous.
Yet there is a magical transformation that takes place when rhubarb is subjected to heat, sweetened just a touch, and spiked with plenty of nutmeg, vanilla, and salt.
Magical.  
It melts down and becomes velveteen and ever so silky.
The vegetal taste is lost, and transforms into a mysteriously addicting, but difficult to describe, earthy, fruity flavor.
Rhubarb and strawberries and lemon were meant to be together.
Rhubarb is thus the gateway drug vegetable between winter and summer produce.
Lemons abound (year round, really) in the winter, when citrus is essentially the only fruit to be found.
Strawberry season begins in spring and extends well into summer.
But rhubarb, wily and tricksy (tricksy little hobbitses) as it is, has a very brief season, right at the beginning of spring; after early spring, it becomes increasingly harder to find.
Marry these three (I suppose you could even add in some raspberries, you minx), and you have a divine combination, which hits your taste buds in all the right places.
Seriously.  I took one bite of this cake and promptly cut myself another slice.
I’m not kidding.  The cake was all but gone this morning, when I finished it off for breakfast.
It’s that good.
The crisp meringue softens slightly and becomes pillowesque and marshmallow-y, while the whipped cream plays gorgeously off of all the tartness coming from the rhubarb, strawberries, and lemon, providing just enough richness to please your palate.
Now, it’s true that I prefer fruit desserts (especially lemon curd) over chocolate ones (strange but true), but I am not exaggerating when I say this is one of my all time favorite cakes, perhaps even the numero uno big dog.
 
And it’s not even cake!
It’s a miracle.
P.S. Have you met my friend, Kohlrabi?
She looks like an alien space capsule and a squid mixed with a cabbage.
Just beautiful.
 
Sweet Heaven Cake
note: I tried to keep the sugar to a minimum here, because I prefer tart desserts.  
If you prefer things sweeter, feel free to bump up the sugar in the lemon curd to 5 or 6 tablespoons, and to increase the maple syrup in the compote (I free-poured somewhere between 1/3 and 1/2 of a cup and that was plenty).  
You can also increase the sugar in the meringue to 3/4 cup, but I don’t think that is necessary.  
Oh, and also, you can sweeten the whipped cream with a tablespoon or so of powdered sugar.
for the meringue layers:
ingredients:
6 egg whites
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar
1/2 cup sugar
pinch salt
splash vanilla extract
directions:
Preheat oven to 250 degrees F.  
Line two sheet pans with parchment and trace 2 six inch circles on each.
Whip the egg whites with the cream of tartar and salt until they begin to foam.
Slowly begin to add in the sugar, about 1 teaspoon at a time, until meringue is stiff and holds peaks.
Whip in the vanilla extract.
Transfer to a piping bag, or go freehand- pipe out meringue, about 3/4 inch thick, onto each of the pre-traced circles.
Bake for 2 or so hours, until the meringue is no longer sticky and is slightly golden.  
Turn off the oven and allow the meringue to cool completely in the oven; prop the door with a wooden spoon handle.
for the rhubarb compote:
1 pound rhubarb, chopped into 1/4 inch moons
1/2 cup maple syrup, to taste
pinch nutmeg
pinch salt
splash vanilla extract
directions:
Place all ingredients except vanilla in a large sauce pot; heat over medium high heat until the rhubarb breaks down and the whole compote has no chunks. 
Stir in the vanilla and let cool.
for the lemon curd:
adapted from Alice Medrich
1/3 cup lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon lemon zest
1 egg
scant quarter cup sugar
pinch salt
directions:
Whisk everything together and cook on medium low heat, stirring constantly, until mixture thickens and coats the back of a spoon, about 6 minutes.  
Remove from heat and allow to cool.
to assemble:
ingredients:
1/2 cup cold heavy cream, whipped softly with a pinch of agar (optional)
sliced and whole strawberries
directions:
Place your first meringue layer on a cake stand or plate.  
Spread lemon curd over it, then spoon rhubarb compote in the middle and spread over the curd.  
Place your second layer on top of the first, then spread whipped cream over it.  
Add rhubarb compote and spread over the cream,then layer sliced strawberries over the compote.
Place the third layer over the second, and repeat the steps for the first layer.
Place the fourth layer on top, and dollop/spread the rest of the whipped cream over it.
Decorate with more sliced and whole strawberries.
by Rachel Sally

Cheeky

I’ve made you something,
dearest and belov’d readers:
marshmallows, for you!
photo output_fp8R4W_zps6e0218f4.gif
Big, fat, and fluffy,
sweet, tangy, tart, and fruity
marshmallow pillows.
 
Candy in candy-
this is what Willy Wonka 
wanted all along.
 
Powdery and white,
with passion fruit and sweetarts,
maple syrup, too.
Crunchy surprises,
awaiting your eager teeth,
hidden in this treat.
 
Cushioned outside
yields to even gentle bites;
so tender and sweet!
 
 
Sweetart and Passion Fruit Marshmallows
further adapted from my snobby krispie treats
ingredients:
1/2 cup passionfruit purée, liquid
2 tablespoons plus 2 1/2 teaspoons unflavored gelatin
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup maple syrup
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
2 egg whites
1 box sweetarts, crushed
confectioner’s sugar, for dusting
directions:
Oil and dust a 13x9x2 pan with confectioner’s sugar (not too much oil!).
Sprinkle the gelatin over the passionfruit in the bowl of a stand mixer, fitted with the whisk attachment.
Stir to ensure all the gelatin is wet.
Meanwhile, stir the sugar, salt, water, and maple syrup together in a large pot.
Heat over medium-high heat until the syrup mixture reaches 240 degrees F.
Pour over gelatin mixer and stir on low to combine, then raise speed to high and beat until fluffy, white, and tripled in volume, about 5 minutes on the very highest speed.
Meanwhile, beat the egg whites to stiff peaks.  
Once the gelatin has reached triple its original volume, add in the egg whites and mix until completely combined.
Add in the sweetarts and mix to combine.
Pour the mixture (it will be extremely thick and sticky) into the pan and smooth it out the best you can.  Sift a thin layer of confectioner’s sugar over the top of the marshmallow, ensuring that the entire top is covered in sugar.
Refrigerate for 3 hours and up to a full 12.
The marshmallow should be firm and springy to the touch.
Flip the marshmallow onto a cutting board and cut into cubes.  Toss with a bit of confectioner’s sugar, making sure all 6 sides of each marshmallow are covered.
Store in an airtight container.
by Rachel Sally

Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop

Short and sweet today, y’all.
(I have a nap penciled in in about 15 minutes.  I’m very busy.  Island time.  It happens.)
This is a cake I made a few months back, to celebrate (mourn?) the end of my basketball season.
Yes, it’s taken me that long to get around to writing this post.  I’m a little slow on the uptake.
  
It was pretty ridiculous, ridiculously indulgent, and indulgently delicious.  
I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like the combination of chocolate and orange.
Seriously.  One of my favorite things in the entire world, ever, is those chocolate-orange things.  You know, the chocolates which look like oranges and have orange in them and separate into little orange wedges?
Chocolate and cheesecake, a match made in heaven, is only made better by the addition of orange.
But I didn’t stop there.  I have no self-control, remember?  
Nay, I kept going.  “What else can I add into this cake?”
Well, nutella… 
Ugh.  Dead.  I’m dead.  That’s it.  There’s no going back; my tastebuds will no longer accept anything but this.
Here’s a secret, just between you and me:
These photos were taken the night before our last practice, meaning that I cut a slice out of the cake just to take photos- not the most, erhm, proper behavior in the world.
How rude!  I do de-clay-uh.
So, I took the photos, and slid it back in place.
Spackled the frosting back together, strategically placed some chocolate curls over the evidence, and served it the next day.
No one noticed.  
Victory!
 
Can you tell how badly I want to be a southern belle?  
(The font I always use, for the record, is Georgia.)

Mouthful (Chocolate-Nutella-Orange-Cheesecake) Cake
For the cheesecake layer:
(from Piece of Cake via RecipeGirl)
ingredients:
16 ounces of cream cheese, softened
2/3 cup granulated sugar
pinch of salt
2 eggs
1/3 cup sour cream
1/3 cup heavy cream
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
directions:
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. 
Place a large roasting pan on the lower third rack of the oven. 
Place a kettle of water on the stove to boil. 
Spray a 9-inch springform pan with nonstick spray and line the bottom with a round of parchment paper. 
Wrap a double layer of foil around the bottom and up the sides of the pan (you want to seal it so the water from the water bath doesn’t seep into the pan). 
In a large bowl, use an electric mixer to mix the cream cheese- blend until it is nice and smooth and creamy. 
Mix in sugar and salt and blend for 2 minutes, scraping down sides of the bowl as needed. 
Add eggs, one at a time, blending after each addition. 
Finally, mix in sour cream, whipping cream and vanilla. 
Mix until smooth. 
Pour the batter into the prepared pan. 
Set the pan into the roasting pan in the pre-heated oven. 
Carefully pour the hot water from your kettle into the roasting pan (it will fill the pan surrounding the cheesecake). 
Pour enough water so that there is about an inch of water coming up the foil along the sides of the cheesecake pan. 
Bake the cheesecake for 45 minutes. 
It should be set to the touch and not jiggly. 
Remove the cheesecake from the roasting pan and let it cool on a wire rack for at least an hour. 
When it has cooled, place the pan into the freezer and let the cheesecake freeze completely. 

For the cake layers:
adapted from Gourmet via epicurious
ingredients:

2 1/2 cups flour
1/4 cup cornstarch (you can also use 2 3/4 cups cake flour, omitting the cornstarch and AP flour)
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter
1 1/2 cups sugar
4 large whole eggs
zest of one entire orange
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
1/3 cup orange juice, freshly squeezed
1/3 cup sour cream or buttermilk
1/3 cup milk
handful of mini chocolate chips; enough for a healthy sprinkling on two 9 inch layers
directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Grease and flour two 9-inch cake pans.
Rub the sugar and zest together with your fingers until very fragrant.
Beat the butter until softened, then add in the orange sugar.
Cream together until very fluffy and light, about 3 minutes.
Beat in eggs one at a time, scraping after each addition, then add in the vanilla.
Stir the sour cream, juice, and milk together.
Stir the flour, cornstarch, baking powder, and salt together.
Either alternate adding the wet and dry or slowly dump them in at the same time (my preferred method… Just go slow so the flour doesn’t go all over).
Mix just until homogeneous, then pour into prepared pans.
Sprinkle the mini chocolate chips over the batter, and bake until golden and springy to the touch, about 20-25 minutes.  A cake tester should come out nearly clean, with perhaps just a few crumbs sticking on.
Allow to cool completely before assembling the cake.
For the frosting:
ingredients:
2 sticks butter
1 3/4- 2 cups confectioners’ sugar
big pinch salt
3/4 cup Ovaltine
1/2 cup nutella
splash vanilla extract
splash cream, if needed
directions:
Beat butter until soft, about 2 minutes.
Add in the ovaltine, nutella, salt, and vanilla, and beat to combine.
Slowly add in the powdered sugar, tasting to check the sweetness. (If you need more powdered sugar to thicken the consistency, be sure to add in a pinch more salt; you can also add in some more ovaltine for thickening.)
Play with the amount of powdered sugar to thicken the frosting; environments differ and really affect the thickness/pipeability.  If you need it to really thicken, don’t add too much more sugar or ovaltine, instead, stick it in the freezer for a few minutes to firm up.
If your frosting is too thick, add a splash of cream, about 2 teaspoons at a time, to thin it out a bit.  Don’t add too much, and wait between additions, because if it becomes soupy, there’s no going back.
To assemble:
Apply a thin layer of icing on the chocolate chip side of the first layer.
Place the frozen cheesecake layer on top, and spread another thin layer on top of that.
Place the second cake layer, chocolate chip side up, on top of the cheesecake.
Crumb-coat the whole cake in a thin layer of frosting, then chill it, either in the freezer or fridge, for 10-15 minutes in the freezer or 15-20 in the fridge.
Take the cake out and generously frost it with the remaining icing.
To smooth out the sides, dip an offset spatula in hot water, wipe it off, and gently run it on the outside of the cake.

Top with chocolate curls, if desired.

by Rachel Sally

Googolplexian

 
A googolplexian is 
 
1010100 .
 
For a rough estimate, just count the number of layers in this cake. 
I mean, really.
I’m an exaggerator.  It’s true.  Always have been, always will be.
 
Now, my family calls it being a drama queen, diva, prima donna, etc.
 
They’re exaggerating.
Just who do you think I got it from?!
 
But seriously, guys.  
When I make crêpes, I feel like I’ve made a hundred thousand million and I look at the stack and there’s like six sitting there, plus the one in my mouth.
Talk about disheartening.
 
I’ve tried to make crêpe cakes before.
 
I must will myself not to eat them fresh and hot from the pan and I must will myself to stay at the stove making stupid pancake after pancake until I can take no more.
(And/or have had my fill of fresh, hot crêpes.)
 
Then, after hours and hours of tending to a flaming hot stove, I, ever stoical and composed goddess of patience, must wait for them to cool.
HA!  Fooled you, didn’t I?
Like heck I’m waiting for crêpes to cool… I’ve got things to do and places to see.
 
Ain’t nobody got time for dat.
 
I slap those suckers together with some filling, then stand back to admire what I expect to be a lovely little French pastry.
I’m never happy with what I behold.
 
It’s like getting a hairless cat instead of that damn poodle I was promised at the beginning of this whole ordeal.
 
They never stand above two inches tall, and they’re always droopy instead of ruffly and prim.  They’re not flavorful enough.
They’re boring AND ugly.  
A real winning combination…
 
So why are you staring at a haphazard, not very ruffly, somewhat off-kilter crêpe cake right now?
Because I couldn’t stop thinking about layered crêpes.
Because I couldn’t get the flavor combination of banana and vanilla and apricot out of my head.
Because I wanted cake for breakfast, brunch, lunch, and linner that day.
Because I wanted said cake to be a semblance of something healthy.  Ya know.
This cake is whole-wheat, has very, very little sugar in it, less than a teaspoon of butter, and is chock full of protein and healthy fats, thanks to the greek yogurt, ricotta, hazelnuts, and coconut oil; most of the sweetness comes from the bananas, vanilla seeds, and tart California apricots.

This cake is thus approved for every meal of the day. 
 It’s not the shiniest spoon in the drawer, to be sure, but it tastes good.  It tastes real good.
 
(I can’t describe how much the asymmetry of that one darned hazelnut bothers me. 
Whyyyyy didn’t I fix it while the cake was still in existence?  
It will haunt me for the rest of my life.)


Banana Apricot Crêpe Cake
for the banana crêpes:
adapted from Smitten Kitchen
ingredients:
4 tablespoons coconut oil, melted
1 6 ounce banana, peeled
1 cup almond milk
1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons white whole wheat flour
1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons all purpose flour
4 eggs
2 tablespoons natural sugar
splash vanilla
big pinch sea salt
pinch each cinnamon, cloves, and nutmeg
directions:
Whir all ingredients together in a food processor.  
Let batter rest for at least 20 minutes.
To make the crêpes, heat a 6 inch skillet up on medium high heat.
Brush with coconut oil- you should only have a thin film.
Pour about 2 tablespoons of batter into the pan and immediately swirl to coat the bottom of the pan.
Cook for 1 to 2 minutes until the top is cooked and the bottom is golden brown.  
To flip, use a spatula to pick up the edge, then gently use your fingers to pick up and flip the crêpe.  (Don’t be a baby.  It’s not that hot.)
Continue until all batter is used up.

for the Greek yogurt and ricotta filling:
ingredients:
1/3 -1/2 cup Greek yogurt, depending on how loose you want your filling and/or how thick you want the filling layers to be.  I used closer to 1/2 a cup.
1/3 cup part skim ricotta
1/3 cup powdered sugar
splash vanilla
pinch salt
directions:
Whisk all ingredients together.  Set aside and let thicken slightly.

for the apricot-vanilla compote:
ingredients:
15 dried California apricots
1 vanilla bean or 2-3 already used pods (I fished some used ones out of my sugar)
boiling water
directions:
Roughly chop the apricots.  
Place in a heat safe bowl with the vanilla pod (cut the pod up into 2 1/2 inch chunks if it is whole).  
Pour boiling water over to cover completely.  
Allow to sit for 15 minutes, until the apricots are softened and there are vanilla seeds floating in the water.
Drain most of the water, reserving 2-3 tablespoons.  
Scrape the insides of the vanilla beans out and place in a food processor along with the reserved water and the apricots.  
Pulse until a slightly chunky paste forms.  Set aside.

for the caramel sauce:
adapted from the NYT
ingredients:
1/4 cup sugar
1 tablespoon water
2 tablespoons light cream
1/2 tablespoons butter
big pinch of sea salt (around 3/4 teaspoon)
directions:
Add the sugar and water to a heavy bottomed saucepan and cook on medium heat until light amber, 5-7 minutes.  
Remove from heat and immediately stir in cream.  
Mixture will bubble and steam, so beware.  
Whisk in butter and salt; use before completely cooled.  
To loosen it up again before use, microwave it for a few seconds until it is liquid.

to assemble:
Cut up a large banana into thin slices.  
Begin layering the crepes, spreading each with yogurt filling, then either banana slices or apricot filling.  
Alternate the banana and apricot.  
Once your last crêpe is on the cake, pour the caramel over top.  
If desired, you can stack some toasted hazelnuts on top before pouring the caramel.  
Allow the caramel to set slightly, then serve.

by Rachel Sally

Yes, Chef

I’m still in shock, guys.  

I managed to weasel my way into getting an interview with Christina Tosi.

 

 

Every time I say that, I do a double take.  She has long been a source of inspiration and recipes for me.  Her book, Milk Bar, is a wealth of ideas, and chock full of helpful hints (hello, 10 minute creaming?  Best.  Cookies.  Ever.).  

The pages of my cookbook are dusted with flour and occasionally stuck together with butter and bits of caramel.  (Savin’ dat for later.)
 
Confession time: I read Milk Bar.  Read as in, sit down with a cookie and read each and every recipe blurb and recipe.  I don’t know how many times I’ve done this.  It’s at least fifty.  I still laugh at all of the jokes and funny memories written between those pages.
Thus far, I’ve only found one teeny-tiny typo.  (This coming from someone who scours the Sunday NYT for typos and who usually finds one on the front page of the Style section…)  Color me impressed.Sigh.  I’m star struck.  
The not-so-photogenic pie you see in the photos was the famed crack pie.  What a fabulous recipe!  My god, it’s like buttery gold.  Worth every single calorie.
Without further ado, here’s the interview.

(I’m not including the recipe for crack pie as I want to encourage those who have any mild interest to purchase the book… Honestly, it’s one of the more useful and inventive cookbooks I own, and while it is no encyclopedia of baking, it still manages to pack in plenty of information and sugar.  You can find the recipes online, I’m sure, but I for one am a proponent of cookbooks.)

Chef Christina Tosi is the pastry chef of the Momofuku line of restaurants, which are owned and run by Chef David Chang; she herself runs the Momofuku Milk Barline of restaurants.  Her cooking style is self-described as “loud, delicious, textural, and fun.”  She is a genius when it comes to flavor pairings; she invents combinations like thai tea, lemon, and marscapone, or celery root and white chocolate, which are surprising and arresting in a most delicious sense.  In 2012, the James Beard Foundation named her Rising Chef of the Year; she was the only pastry chef in the category!

Rachel Sally: I think of you as America’s favorite pastry-chef-next-door, and as such, you have a huge influence on food trends; who or what do you view as your biggest influences?
Chef Christina: I think working in a broad range of bakeries, restaurants and food settings and situations really shaped me as a whole. I approached every job, even the ones I worked at for free as an opportunity to learn.  Also, my grandmas, the sweet toothed ladies that recognized my love for baking and my genetic sweet tooth!
 
R.S.:  Which cookbook or book has influenced you the most?
C.T.: The Magnolia Cookbook was one of my first favorite cookbooks as a teen when I was getting into the kitchen on my own terms. They had so many versions of cheesecake in there, breaking all the rules, adding whatever flavors and textures they wanted. I thought it was the coolest cookbook, and the best way to approach a classic like the cheesecake with reckless abandon!
 
R.S.:  What one word would you use to describe yourself and your cooking style?
C.T.: Soothing with a sense of humor.
 
R.S.:  Do you work well under pressure?
C.T.: I love working under pressure. I love being in just a little over my head. It’s how I function best. If you don’t like the same, you probably won’t like working at Milk Bar, but my feeling is if you can make IT happen under pressure, the sky is the limit.
 
R.S.:  Where do you find inspiration for flavor combinations?
C.T.: Everywhere and anywhere. The grocery store, the bodega on the way home. The dinner around the corner. Magazines, airplanes, fancy restaurants, Dairy Queen, T.V. You never know when inspiration can strike!
 
R.S.:  What is the most underrated flavor combination, in your opinion?
C.T.: Salt and pepper.
 
R.S.:  What one ingredient could you not live without?
C.T.: Salt!
 
R.S.:  What is your favorite food?
C.T.: Depends on my mood. I’d say this winter it’s acorn squash with butter, cinnamon and breakfast sausage!
 
R.S.:  What is your favorite composed dessert that you’ve ever made?
C.T.: Cereal milk panna cotta with avocado puree, chocolate hazelnut, cornflake crunch. [Editor’s note: Ohmagah]
 
R.S.:  How do you respond to negative criticism in regards to a dessert?  
C.T.: I take every opinion seriously and to heart. Not in a negative way, but in a double check myself way. Is there truth in the comment, is there something wrong, could it be better, do I really stand behind this dish or dessert? Humility and the ability to curb your ego, especially when under criticism, are very important.
 
R.S.: What tweaks do you make?
C.T.: Doesn’t mean you have to change a thing. Just means you have to be open and willing to check yourself and/or stand up for yourself.
 
R.S.:  Do you edit already existing and successful desserts?  
C.T.: We always edit existing desserts.
 
R.S.: Why do you?
C.T.: [We] always look for room for improvements, updating inspiration points. Sometimes we change elements, depths of flavor. Sometimes we’ll test a ton of stuff and never change a thing.
 
R.S.:  What is your best tip for dessert success?
C.T.: Stay true to yourself, your taste buds, your inspiration, your approach. But be open minded about feedback and criticism.
Still in disbelief.  Thank you, Chef!
by Rachel Sally

Magic Dragon


There is indeed something magical about puff pastry’s exponential rise and versatility, but it’s no mystery.

 
As thin, thin sheets of butter (which is approximately 82% fat, protein, and other solids and therefore around 18% water), which are trapped between flour particles, are heated in a hot oven, the water evaporates quickly, causing the steam to lift the flour and create lovely, flaky layers.  

 

Puff pastry can be a beast to handle; much depends on the temperature of your butter and dough.
 
It is certainly a surmountable challenge; however, for less-experienced bakers, it can be extremely frustrating and time consuming.
Traditional puff pastry is made with a yeasted dough, which is laminated with a butter block.  
It takes a long time, and it can be hard to get just right.
 
Which is precisely why I decided to do this picture series/tutorial about blitz puff pastry.  
This recipe and technique is invaluable.  Definitely tuck it away in your brain for future uses.
It’s faster, easier, and, at least in my own experience, more idiot-proof reliable.
 

Flaky pastry enhances any dessert (Like… Duh?).

Turnovers?  Killer with this dough.  I made orange-chocolate ricotta turnovers which were a hit.
Vol-au-vent?  This dough is faster than traditional puff, and rises essentially as high.
Brie en croute?  Hello, the faster this gets into my mouth, the better.  Blitz pastry it is.
Anything en papillote?  Heck, why not?

 

Croissants?  Bear claws?  Elephant ears or palmiers?  Pain au chocolat? But of course… Recipes below.
The scraps never go to waste, either.  Just like with pie dough, if they are sprinkled with some cinnamon sugar and baked off, they become lovely little nuggets of sparkly, spicy gold.
The time you’ll save is worth the 1/8 inch loss of height that traditional puff gives you.

Still with me?  Salivating yet?

Let’s get started!


For the basic dough,

you’ll need to assemble:
16 ounces of cold unsalted butter
10 ounces of flour
10 ounces of ice cold water
1 tablespoon of sugar
1 teaspoon of sea salt

The tools you’ll need are:
a large, clean surface, like a well-scrubbed counter
a large bowl
a rolling pin
a bench scraper (not 100% necessary, but crazy helpful)
 Christmas-themed cling wrap (100% necessary)

 

Whisk your flour, salt, and sugar together in the large bowl with a fork.  
Break up any clumps.  
Dump all your cold butter onto the flour.  Toss to coat.

 

 

With clean hands, roughly flatten all of the cubes of butter.  
They do not have to be perfect sheets; that will happen in the next step.  They should just be roughly flat.

 

This is what your dough should look like thus far.  It’s not much of a dough, yet.  Just a bunch of flour-coated, flattened butter cubes.  (Yum…?)
Next up is the fraisage.  
Dump the contents of your bowl out onto your clean surface.  
Using the heel of your hand, gather the dough, then push forward and down firmly, so that your butter is smeared along the flour and other bits and bobs on the counter.  (Just kidding.  Because your counter is super clean, right?  Right?! Right!)
Continue to do so until virtually all of the butter has been sheeted even further and thinner than before.  
Your dough should not yet be cohesive, but rather shaggy and ugly.
 

This is what your dough should now look like.  
Make a well in the center and pour in some water.  
Knead lightly with your hands, using a bench scraper to help fold the dough over itself.  
Continue to add water until your dough just barely comes together in a shaggy mess.  
Do not add so much that it becomes slimy, but add enough that it is no longer crumbly.  
This is a variable amount; you may need slightly more or less than 10 ounces of water.  That’s okay.  Ingredients and environments differ, and that’s what affects this measurement.

Finished adding water.  Cohesive, still shaggy, but stays together.

Next, roll out your dough to about a 3/4- 1 inch thickness, in the shape of a rough rectangle (not triangle, which is what I just wrote).  

Fold your dough in thirds, like a business letter.  
Wrap in plastic and stick in the fridge for 15 minutes.

 

After your dough has chilled out, take it out and roll it into another rectangle.  
You can see the dimensions of mine in the above picture; it should be 1/2 inch thick and the rectangle should be relatively even in size.

Next, do a double book turn.  Visually divide your rectangle in half, then divide each half into two.  You are going to fold it in quarters, but first fold the outer flaps in, to meet the center, then fold the flaps created by that fold onto each other, like a book.
Christina Tosi describes it by putting her arms out straight, folding in at the elbows, then folding the elbows together.  
After one double book turn, stick the dough in the fridge for 15-30 minutes.  

Do two more double book turns, rolling the dough out to 1/2 inch thick between each one.
After your third double book turn, your dough is ready to be used!  
You did it! Now you can make all sorts of delicacies with it!

In general, to use your puff pastry, you will need to roll it out to a tiny bit more than 1/8 inch thickness.  
When you cut it, never twist your cutters or knife- just like making biscuits.  
If you do so, the layers of flour may fuse together on one side, causing uneven rising.
Don’t re-roll scraps.  Just try to minimize them.

Blitz Puff Pastry
proportions from the godly Stella Parks, technique is my own, bastardized from many sources, including Christina Tosi
ingredients:
16 ounces cold cubed butter
10 ounces ice water
10 ounces flour
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon sea salt
directions:
  1. Whisk your flour, salt, and sugar together in the large bowl with a fork.  Break up any clumps.  Dump all your cold butter onto the flour.  Toss to coat.
  2. With clean hands, roughly flatten all of the cubes of butter.  They do not have to be perfect sheets; that will happen in the next step.  They should just be roughly flat.
  3. Dump the contents of your bowl out onto your clean surface.  Using the heel of your hand, gather the dough, then push forward and down firmly, so that your butter is smeared along the flour and other bits and bobs on the counter.
  4. Continue to do so until virtually all of the butter has been sheeted even further and thinner than before.  Your dough should not yet be cohesive.
  5. Roll out your dough to about a 3/4- 1 inch thickness, in the shape of a rough rectangle.
  6. Fold your dough in thirds, like a business letter.  
  7. Wrap in plastic and stick in the fridge for 15 minutes.
  8. After your dough has chilled out, take it out and roll it into another rectangle; it should be 1/2 inch thick and the rectangle should be relatively even in size.
  9. Next, do a double book turn.  Visually divide your rectangle in half, then divide each half into two.  You are going to fold it in quarters, but first fold the outer flaps in, to meet the center, then fold the flaps created by that fold onto each other, like a book.  Christina Tosi describes it by putting her arms out straight, folding in at the elbows, then folding the elbows together.  
  10. After one double book turn, stick the dough in the fridge for 15-30 minutes.  
  11. Do two more double book turns, rolling the dough out to 1/2 inch thick between each one.  After your third double book turn, your dough is ready to be used.
  12.  In general, to use your puff pastry, you will need to roll it out to a tiny bit more than 1/8 inch thickness, before cutting it into desired shapes.  
Notes and ideas for use:
This puff can be used just like a regular puff pastry dough.  It is versatile and adapts to any shape.  Bake it at 375 degrees F, on good insulated pans.  If your pans are flimsy, use two stacked together.  The baking times I have provided are for very miniature pastries; if you make larger ones, the baking time will go up accordingly.  Puff pastry is very easy to change baking times with, because the only test of doneness is the color of the crust.  The pastries should be tanned and deep gold when you pull them out.  If you change the size, simply check the color of your pastries often after going past the times noted here and you will not have dried out or burned products, I promise.
Palmiers: 
Cut long strips of dough, about 3/16 of an inch wide and 5 or more inches long, and brush them with a little melted butter.  Sprinkle some cinnamon sugar on top, and roll from each end to create a swirl shape.  Bake until golden and sugar is caramelized, about 8 minutes depending on the size of your cookies.  Check early and often; sugar burns quickly.  If you cut the strips 3/4 of an inch wide, and roll from just one end, you can stick them in a mini muffin tin and make mini cinnamon rolls.
Croissants:
Cut isosceles triangles, about 3.5 inches wide and 6 inches high, and cut a small, 1/4 inch slit at the base.  Roll up the triangle starting at the wide end, shaping into a crescent once the dough is all rolled up.  Brush with egg wash (1 egg plus 1 teaspoon water), bake for about 14 minutes, until tanned; timing varies a lot with puff pastry depending on the size of your pastries, but it is easy to check doneness by color, as that is the main factor.
Bear Claws:
Mix 1/3 cup almond paste with 1 egg white, a sprinkle of cinnamon, and 1/4 cup powdered sugar until smooth.  Cut strips of pastry 2 inches wide and as long as possible, and fill with a thin coating of filling.  Roll, starting from the long sides, to make long filled logs.  Pinch the edges to seal, and flatten the logs.  Cut into 4 inch long pieces, and make notches 1/3 of the way into the dough to make “claws.”  Shape into crescents, with the claws pointing out, and brush with egg wash.  Sprinkle cinnamon sugar on top and bake for 15 minutes, or until almond filling is crisp and tops of claws are tanned and golden.
Pain au Chocolat
Cut rectangles of dough 3 inches by 4.5 inches.  Place a few bittersweet chocolate chips on the shorter edge, and fold over once.  Where the fold has met the main part of the dough, tuck a few more bittersweet chocolate chips.  Fold over again, then place seam side down on a sheet tray.  Brush with egg wash and sprinkle with cinnamon sugar, if desired.  Bake for 15 minutes.
by Rachel Sally

Please Sir

Can I have s’more, sir?
No recipe for this cake, today.  
 
I’ve been writing up blog posts for the past 2 hours and I’m getting lazy.
(Tutorial for something time-consuming exciting coming soon… Stay tuned!)
 
I made this cake for a good friend’s 18th (eep!) birthday.
 
It consisted of three dark chocolate cake layers, sandwiching milk chocolate ganache, toasted marshmallows, and an adapted graham crust/crumb from Milk Bar.
I frosted it with a nutella buttercream, and topped it off with more of the same: a mountain of toasted marshmallows, graham crumbs, and a drizzle of ganache.
 
A wonderfully childish cake, reminiscent of campfires, to welcome her into adult life.
Youth may not last forever, but immaturity the affinity for s’mores does!
 
I used my dad’s giant industrial blow torch to toast the lil’ marshmallows.  Poor guys didn’t stand a chance.  Flames and fire ravaged their ranks, I’m afraid to say.  
 
I hope she enjoyed it.  
I certainly enjoyed making it.
Happy 18th, S!  Love you!
by Rachel Sally

T-Minus

Soft snowflakes are floating down outside my window as I type this, landing gently on vibrant evergreens and vivid red berries.
 
 
Something is stirring in me as I take in the peaceful scene outside…
 
By Jove, I think it’s the Christmas spirit.

My stomach is still bloated has barely regained its balance from Thanksgiving, and I’ve already got the next holiday on the brain.  
Exactly one month!

I gots problems, people.
Why, just last weekend, I spent an entire day raking with my family, greedily anticipating Thanksgiving, and appreciating the beautiful fall weather.
How quickly times change, no?

I had a very beautiful, very long, very poetic post written to go along with this.  

Only problem?  I wrote it using the blogger app on my phone.  What a Big Mistake that was…  (Picture me shaking my fist at the blogging gods right now.)

I’m sorry that I’ve been away from the blog for some time.  Thanksgiving really took it out of me, as I decided to undertake the prep and cooking of the entire meal myself.  

 


The last few weeks, in terms of Thanksgiving prep, have gone something like this:

I ordered the turkey (no, I don’t eat meat, but my family does).
I went to my local butcher at an ungodly hour in the morning, to make sure I got my hands on some good local meat products: fresh bacon, fresh cranberry-sage sausages, and freshly-rendered lard.
I went grocery shopping (by meself) after a long basketball practice; I spent a ridiculous amount of money and could hardly push the cart, and I’m no weakling.  I must have purchased 200 pounds of food that day.

I went and got the turkey from the farm, a trek that ended up being far harder than me going out and hunting a damn turkey myself.  As it turns out, there are multiple “Creamery” Roads, complete with “ninety-degree turns” right near house number 200s in the nearby Slaterville Springs.  Can you guess who went to the wrong one?  What turned out to be the completely wrong one?  Yes, me.  And don’t laugh.  I had to drive 5 miles in a state forest OFF-ROAD in my Volvo to get to the wrong farm, only to discover that the house numbers went from 194 to 204.  What the…?!?  Yes, I went 45 minutes past the correct Creamery Road.  Upon this realization, I cursed, cried, and punched my steering wheel, à la Shit Girlfriends Say (go to 2:07).  I’m kidding.  But I did wheel my car around and speed back through the forest as fast as I could, suspension be damned.  

I cooked.  A lot.  The menu?

Sourdough bread, gluten-free cheese crackers, cheeses, and grapes 
Roasted squash, carrots, parsnips, turnips, beets, and sweet potatoes
Roasted lemony brussels sprouts with cranberries, roasted garlic, and maple-balsalmic glaze
Quince and brown-butter basted turkey
Smashed fingerling potatoes with scallions and bacon
(Gluten-free) Cornbread stuffing with sausage, apples, onions, and sage
Apple cider cranberry sauce
(Healthy) Pumpkin pie in an almond-date crust
Salted caramel apple thyme pie in a cheddar cheese and lard crust with maple whipped cream
Maple crème fraîche tart 
Copious amounts of Prosecco, Champagne, and wine


It was all delicious; I was very happy.  And exhausted.  Still am.

The night before Thanksgiving, we celebrated my oldest brother’s birthday.  I made him a French toast cake, which consisted of a brown sugar, brown butter cake filled with cinnamon cream cheese, frosted with a brown sugar swiss meringue buttercream, topped with a maple caramel glaze, and finished with candied bacon.  Yowza.

I’ll be around more often; I promise.  After all, I have some serious holiday baking calling my name.  
P.S. I’m thankful for you guys!  It seriously awes me that I even have readers.  Love y’all.

 
French Toast Cake
for the cake:
ingredients:
3 sticks unsalted butter, browned
2 1/4 cups flour
2 1/4 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/3 cup brown sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
3 egg yolks (save the whites)
2 whole eggs
1/3 cup maple syrup, topped off with buttermilk to equal 1 1/4 cups
directions:
Let the butter cool until barely warm to touch.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.  Butter and flour a half sheet pan.  Add the sugar, salt, and vanilla to the butter and beat until combined. Add in the eggs and egg yolks and mix to combine.  Add in the maple syrup-buttermilk mixture and mix to combine.  Dump in the flour and baking powder and beat until homogeneous.  Spread into pan and bake for 30-35 minutes, until golden brown and springy to the touch.
for the bacon:
2 strips bacon
brown sugar, as needed
directions:
in a preheated oven, bake bacon, covered in brown sugar, until crispy, about 15 minutes; flip halfway through and coat with more brown sugar.
for the filling:
ingredients:
8 ounces cream cheese
big pinch cinnamon and nutmeg
big pinch salt
3 cups powdered sugar
1/4 cup heavy cream, or as needed
directions:
Beat all ingredients together until fluffy.
for the frosting:
ingredients:
4 ounces egg whites
4 ounces brown sugar
big pinch salt
12.8 ounces butter, room temp
directions:
In the bowl of a stand mixer, mix egg whites, salt, and sugar together.  Heat over a pan of steaming water until the egg whites reach 145 degrees F, whisking all the while.  Remove from heat, and beat until stiff meringue forms and bowl is cool to the touch.  Slowly add in the butter, tablespoon by tablespoon, and continue to beat until the buttercream is fluffy and smooth.
for the caramel:
1/2 stick butter
1/4 cup brown sugar
big pinch salt
1/4 cup maple syrup, plus 1 tablespoon
2 tablespoons cream
directions:
Melt butter together with salt, brown sugar, and 1/4 cup maple syrup over medium heat and cook until smooth.  Remove from heat and stir in cream and last tablespoon maple syrup.  Use immediately or refrigerate and reheat and recook until smooth before use.
by Rachel Sally

Together

Cookies and milk.  PB&J.  Bagels and cream cheese.  Pancakes and maple syrup.  Sweet and salty.  Hipsters and food blogs.  (Jus keeding… kinda.)
 
These things just plain make sense together.
They’re better together than apart.  
Cookies and a good cause?  Doesn’t get any better, right?
The Great Food Blogger Cookie Swap showcases the power of togetherness perfectly.  
By partnering with Cookies for Kids’ Cancer, this event uses hipster food bloggers to help fund research for pediatric cancer.  
 
 
Not only am I super super excited for the cookie swap (Hello home delivered cookies. Yum.), but I’m also really enthusiastic about the charity itself.  
 
I want to do more of my part to help out Cookies for Kids’ Cancer, because I think it’s not only a worthy cause, but also a great and accessible idea!  
So, I’m hosting a bake sale at my school (tomorrow, Sandy permitting), all the proceeds of which are going to Cookies for Kids’ Cancer.  Any readers from the high school… Bring money!  I’m sure I’ll have something that you’ll want.
And the rest of you?  If you’re interested in helping, here’s my online giving page.
Or maybe organize your own event!  Why not?  It’s easier than you think.
 
 
 
Oh, and these Oreos?  Made with the awesome Bravetart’s recipe; she really has these down to a T.  They are Oreos reincarnate with better, fresher ingredients. 
 
P.S. Happy 70th birthday, Bob Ross! Personally, I spent my childhood watching this man and enjoying all of his happy accidents.